Experience 23 – From Doubt to Gratitude
When I first heard about Kalpataru, I did not trust it. I am born and brought up in a Jain family. In Jain Darshan, the concept of 'granting a desire' of a devotee by a guru does not exist – so obviously, at first - I brushed off the idea of going to the program. But eventually something pulled me to the program.
After listening to Paramahamsa's opening talk for a f ew minutes, I found myself telling within me, 'Well, I don't mind him anymore.' He said there is no such thing as 'granting to anybody any desire' Yes, this is what I have believed all my life! And then he said, 'It is about finding the fulfillment...'
His innocent eyes, his innocent face, his candid appeal in which he said that he is responsible for what he is telling us…I closed my eyes suspecting if I am coming under some spell. I have a strong mind and in the past I had ruined a hypnotic experiment in public to the dismay of the showman, utterly annoying people present. So I knew this is not some kind of hypnotism!
During the break, I met two Jain monks who too were attending this program. My Jain heart took it as a significant sign and my resistance and anxiety decreased significantly. If our Jain leaders, who have dedicated their whole life to a cause, were attending this program, what reason did I as a householder have to doubt it?
The time for darshan came. It was time for me to ask what I wanted. I said, 'Swamiji - I want Abhay Daan from you.' He asked me, 'What?' This time, instead of explaining what it means, I added the entire family to it and said, 'I want Abhay Daan for the entire family.' I was not sure if he knew Gujarati or if he understood the term 'Abhay Daan' (boon of fearlessness). But I realized he understood it as I saw a beautiful smile break out on his face. He also approved it saying, 'Granted'. At that time he told both my wife and me, 'Do Nithya Dhyaan everyday.' What was striking about this instruction was he told us with an authority that only a grandfather, who knows his children forever, holds.
The volunteer from whom we had learnt Nithya Dhyaan at the meditation seminar told him that we are Jains. I could see the fresh delight appear on his face, it was similar to a child's delight when he shows off his toy! Swamiji said, 'I have spoken on Jain Sutras!' His words had no ego in them, but only a child's delight as if he was talking to some old acquaintance. Of course I h about his talks on Jain Sutras; so I said with equal enthusiasm, 'Yes!' There was only delight in our exchange. He hugged both me and my wife with our heads to his chest. I felt for a minute that I am a small kid and he is my mother - not father, not guru, not God but mother - pure, innocent and down-to-earth mother. He touched our foreheads and I touched his feet. It was overflowing gratitude for all that he had given us.
- Urmish Mehta, Columbus, Ohio, USA