Q. How do I know whether I am qualified for enlightenment?
A. Understand, there is no qualification needed for enlightenment, but the deep want should be there.
Please be very clear, I also had ALL the problems that you are having now, like not being able to trust Existence or not being able to trust myself. I had everything!
All I can say is, if you have a deep seeking, no other qualification is necessary. Actually, no one can be qualified enough for enlightenment!
No effort that you put in can ever match the experience that you get in return.
Experiencing enlightenment is like winning a lottery!
Can anybody say, 'I worked so hard, I went and bought a lottery ticket, I even checked the newspaper every day to see if my number was there – so I deserved to win the lottery. My effort is equal to the prize!'? No! What is the qualification for winning the \$100 million dollar lottery? You just need to buy a ticket, that's all! Your effort is simply not equal to the result. Once the experience happens, you will understand this.
The enlightened Master Manickavachagar sings a beautiful poem to Shiva about this experience. He says, 'O Shiva! I gave myself and got You in return. You gave Yourself and got only me! So tell me, who is the winner here? Who is the more intelligent one?' Enlightenment can be had simply by giving yourself to Existence.
Even if you give your life, it is too small for what you get in return. Once the experience happens, you will understand that the whole thing is nothing but the pure grace and blessing of Existence. The result or the transformation will be so big, so great that you can't think of a reason why you were chosen for it, why it was showered on you!
So no qualification is necessary, but the deep need, the seeking is necessary.
Inner fulfillment is always a gift from the Divine. To receive a gift, there is no such thing as being worthy. If you are given what you are worthy of, it is mere business. How can it be called a gift?
So all you can do, all you need to do is have the deep desire for enlightenment. Seeking is nothing but feeling the utter void, the deep emptiness and sorrow that you don't have spiritual clarity and enlightenment as yet.
The urge should become urgent!
The enlightened Master Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, used to say,
'Suppose you are living in poverty, dying, with no food and no clothes. Somehow you find out that there is a treasure in the next room. Will you be able to sleep? Until you get hold of that wealth, will you be able to rest for a moment?' ```
If you have that same intensity in your seeking, you don't need any other qualification. You don't even need another technique!
The very force of your seeking can to lead you to enlightenment. This is all you need to do.
You don't have to jump from anywhere! Just open yourself with that same trust. Just drop yourself into that trust. You will see the Master is standing there to hold you. Just drop yourself from your head and fall into the abyss of the heart. The Master will be there to hold you and make you experience enlightenment, that's all.
Q. What are the signs that the initiation has happened to me?
A. Understand, when the initiation happens, this question itself will dissolve!
You don't need anyone to confirm your initiation, because your being already knows.
If you are practicing a technique, you need guidance. You need someone to tell you whether you are doing it right or not.
But initiation is not a technique. It is a happening!
It is a process, an alchemy between Master and disciple.
It just clicks, suddenly, for no reason.
When you hear the words of the Master, you know he is uttering the truth to which you always wanted to listen.
Now you know you can't escape from this truth!
Your being says, 'This is the truth! I am going to follow him. I am going to follow him.'
Your logic may try to find thousands of reasons not to believe.
Your mind will say, 'No, no, have you gone crazy? Fool, wait! Tomorrow, not today.'
It will give a thousand reasons.
But your being simply says, 'No, I've decided. I'm done. It has happened.'
If you are genuinely seeking, the first thing that will happen to you is the dissolution of your questions. Your questions dissolve and only a tremendous thirst remains.
This is the first initiation that happens, when the Master changes your focus from knowledge towards knowing, from memory towards intelligence.
Once the emphasis has moved from knowledge to knowing, your focus moves from 'knowing about' to 'knowing'. You are interested in knowing yourself. For that you use the Master as the means.
As you come closer to the Master, the Master takes you to the next level of moving beyond knowing you.
You will never know yourself unless you drop the obsession with yourself! Your obsession with you is your ego.
So the ultimate happens when you drop the ego, surrender the ego at the feet of the Master. Just when you forget you, you will discover you!