The quantum jump beyond
No evolution, only revolution. It is the moment, when the seed takes the decision to sprout. The seed is sprouting, the last moment, the seed will have agony. The dark night of the soul is what it is called in Christianity. The last moment you take the decision to make the jump, you take the decision to go beyond. You take the decision with all your consciousness, with all your energy to go beyond the body and mind.
When you know that all things are conditioning, just read once more what you've written. Is this life worth living? So many desires, so many sufferings, so much of guilt, so much of pain. Only one layer of joy, that also is through the layers of pain.
Look at the whole past actually, almost for everybody I can say, the past is more like a wound which needs to be operated, or thrown out from the being.
When you decide consciously to drop the past you actually can drop the past. Understand a few things, it is simply conditioning, when you understand it is the conditioning can't you drop it? As long as you think it is you, you can't drop it. Understand and you can simply drop. When you psychologically drop, even physically the whole thing changes.