NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU! SAY NO TO JEALOUSY
Q. Swamiji, how can I stop comparing myself to others and being miserable?
At least you have realized that comparison only brings misery - that is a good beginning!
Let me answer you with a story:
A man came to a spiritual master with a question very similar to yours.
The wise man took him out into the garden, where a rose bush and a thorny plant were growing side by side. He told him,
These are your teachers. They can teach you what you need to learn.
The man was astonished.
What do you mean, Master? he asked.
The Master said,
For five years, this rose-bush and this thorny plant have existed side by side. But not once have I heard the rose-bush complaining that it wanted to become a thorny plant, or the thorny plant wanting to become like the rose-bush. Each has accepted its own reality without complaint, without comparison.
Accept yourself as you are.
Only then can you be whole, you will be complete.
When you see yourself as unique and complete, the need to compare will drop automatically.
Buddha makes a statement of tremendous significance. He says: nothing exists except in relationship. Everything is relative, and draws its meaning only from its relationship with something else.
What are the words you use to compare yourself to others? Beautiful, poor, clever, unlucky, young, weak and so on.
Now, imagine yourself on some new planet, where nobody lived but you. Would you then be beautiful or ugly? Tall or short? Rich or poor? Without comparison, these words naturally lose their meaning. Because they are only concepts formulated by the mind, they have no real existence.
Try this: close your eyes for a few moments. Imagine yourself all alone in the world. Do you feel ugly or beautiful inside? Foolish or wise? Where are all these concepts then? Only the fact that you exist remains because that is the only truth. To compare yourself with someone else is foolishness, because you can never be anyone else - and no one else can be you!
The funny thing is, we never compare ourselves to flowers or birds or mountains; so why do we compare ourselves to other people? I have yet to come across a singer who felt jealous of a koel, or a dancer who wished she were a peacock! When we can truly welcome and enjoy all else in nature that is beautiful, how come we can't enjoy the unique loveliness of each other? Why do we feel so intensely threatened by another's beauty or wealth or talent?
This is nothing but simple social conditioning. Brought up in a competitive world, we tend to imagine that the more someone else has of something, the less there is for us!
The Dalai Lama observes beautifully: most people behave as if there is a limited quantity of happiness available in the world! If someone else is happy, we feel as if our personal share of happiness is being depleted! So we go about with a long face, feeling miserable about ourselves. On the contrary, if we were to experience joy each time another person attained something, our own happiness would be multiplied millions of times by the entire population of the world!
Comparison can be of two kinds: constructive comparison and destructive comparison.
Constructive comparison is essential and desirable.
In a practical sense, it gives you a yardstick against which to measure yourself. It provides the spur, the stimulus to improve. Without comparing, how can you have a realistic appreciation of yourself?
Destructive comparison results from the inability to accept reality. In this big wide world, someone is sure to be better than you at whatever you do. 99.99% chances are that you're not the world's best mathematician, the fastest runner or the most talented painter. Does that mean that you enjoy these things any less?
To focus only on what you're lacking simply means that you're on your way to a massive inferiority complex. And who needs it?
Look around you. Do you know anyone else who is exactly the same as you? Don't you see how special you are? If you are comparing yourself to others and feeling miserable, it simply means that you aren't appreciating yourself enough!
A small story:
One Zen master had a disciple who was intelligent, diligent and sincere. His only problem was that he had no patience with the long and arduous techniques for attaining enlightenment.
Every day he would approach the master and ask him,
Just tell me master, when will I become like Buddha?
The master would simply smile and offer no answer.
Working day and night, practising every technique according to the master's instructions, and still finding no answer, the disciple became crazed with the thirst for enlightenment.
Finally, one day he decided that the quest was simply not worth it. He went to the master and demanded,
Tell me one thing before I leave. Am I ever going to become like Buddha or not?
In answer, the master slapped the disciple furiously across the face.
In that instant, the disciple awakened to his true nature!
What did the master mean by that slap?
Was he angry with the disciple for hoping for too much?
NO. The master simply had to jolt the disciple into the awareness that he was already a Buddha! How can you want to become something you already are?
You are so out of touch with your inner being that you have forgotten how extraordinary you really are.
Once you realise this, the need to compare dies naturally.
Even if you wanted to compare, each person is so different - where is a common point of reference?
So drop the attitude of comparison.
Remember, you are truly unique - just like everyone else!
NOTHING MYSTERIOUS !