chapter 7🔗

Being a disciple means to be open enough to feel the grace of the Master. The moment the disciple falls in tune with the Master, the transformation has already started. But you must have the courage to drop the past and all that you have thought yourself to know and simply live in the here and now because that is the only wav the grace of the Master can be experienced fully.

ou see, I am not bothered about what you do after you have opened. Because once you have opened, the work will happen automatically. It is only the opening that must be done. You should first open yourself; that is the basic thread.

When there is a breeze, simply dance along with it. When the birds sing, sing along. Once you are open enough to let Existence lead you, the Master's words are not needed anymore. Then the Master and you will communicate in silence. This is because the Master is nothing but silence. He uses words only to communicate with you. And now you too have become silence. So you and the Master can sit in complete silence together and what has to happen will happen.

There are times in the ashram when these young people would simply sit before me and dissolve into silence. I will not speak a word; neither will they. They just lose themselves in the silence.

The Master is here only to give you the initial push to take the jump. If you love the Master, things will be easy. When he says to simply jump, you will not even think. You will just do it.

This is what being the disciple is. It is about trust. To tell you honestly, to take the jump into the unknown needs courage. And without trust, it is impossible. If you are in doubt, be clear, you will never take the jump and even if you take it, it will not be total. And if it is not total, you will be badly bruised.

Once someone has jumped, my work on them is over. Because once the jump is taken, you simply have to land.

• BREAK THE WALLS -

A devotee tells swamiji that she doubts Him a lot.

FOR CHICALL

Actually ma, these doubts only come up when you are trying to make an effort to believe in me. Who is telling you to believe in me? Simply be; that's all! You see, believing in the Master and trusting him is something that can never be created. It must simply happen. It can happen out of your deep openness and receptivity. You can work on making yourself open because through openness trust comes.

There is a big difference between trust and belief. Belief is pseudo. It is like a forced effort which does not come naturally. But trust is completely natural. In order to believe in me, you have to work hard for it. And how long will you continue to work hard? If even for a moment your effort slows down, doubt arises. This is what is happening to you now.

For you to believe is like having a fight. And naturally, if you go on fighting, you will need to relax for some time. When you relax, the doubt comes again! You will again start fighting!

Drop these beliefs and trust will arise if it has to. For you to drop the doubting mind you must first drop all your beliefs. And understand, the trust that will arise is not blind trust, it is enlightening trust.

So simply be, that's all; feel the presence and the energy; that is more than enough. There is no need for you to try to believe. Doubting happens when you try to believe in me. Just allow what has to happen to happen; don't go on analyzing things.

A newcomer approaches Swamiji and says, I had a problem and did one of the meditations which You qave me. If my problem has not been cured, then what is the point of doing the meditation?"

If you go on having such expectations, how will the meditation help you? The whole point of every meditation is to take you beyond all expectations. If you sit and expect all possible things instead of meditating, how will you be benefited? I am sure that throughout the meditation, you would have been thinking about whether the desired result would happen or not. It doesn't work this way.

I gave you the method to try out and if you really wanted the benefit, it would have happened because you would have worked with it intensely. If you are not willing to do even this much to have the experience, then what can be done?

You must be willing to work intensely. Your intensity should be such that you will be willing to give your life for the experience. And what is life here for? It is here only to experience and enjoy!

As of now, all your happiness is dependent on many parameters - the person, the situation, the location, the time etc. You will be happy one minute but if someone says something to you the next minute, all the happiness will simply disappear. This shows the depth and dependency of your happiness.

If you are really happy, if you are really blissful, then none of these parameters will be able to shake your happiness. No matter what happens, you will remain centered in your self, centered in bliss. This is what the state of Ananda is. It means to live in bliss no matter what happens around you.

- Break the walls -

Even if the sky is falling and everyone is running, you will also run, but there will be no sense of loss or panic within you. You will remain centered within yourself.

I have seen many people who think they trust me. And then they will have the doubt ... The very nature of doubting is against trust.

Because you have not had any spiritual experience, you have a good reason to doubt me. And this happens: hidden behind your so-called trust there is always doubt. And I am not saying there is anything wrong with the attitude. For you it is natural because if you didn't do anything totally how can you trust me totally? I am totality. Unless you become totality, you will always have the doubt. You yourself must feel the urgency to mould your personality into your individuality. Then, things will fall into place. Then you will rise above all the possibilities for doubt, and focus on your enlightenment.

And your mind is so cunning! It will catch all possible opportunities to doubt, but will somehow miss all the opportunities to trust! It is like I am giving you ninety-nine opportunities to trust and you miss them all. Then you get one opportunity to doubt and you catch hold of it!

Just become aware of how the mind works. Watch it. Watch the games it plays; then you will understand.

- Rising in Love With The Master -

An acharya - teacher - comes to swamiji and tells him that he loves swamiji very much. But when he is confused, he doesn't know where to turn. He does not know what to do in times of confusion.

Let you be very clear: in the beginning, there will be confusion. There is bound to be confusion. All these things that are making the path rocky are actually a preparation for climbing the mountain.

It is like cooking the Hindu spicy sambar. While it is cooking, the spices will burn your eyes and irritate your throat. But then when the sambar is ready. you enjoy it.

So you will have to go through such hurdles initially. It may burn your eyes but in the end, you will enjoy it! There will be all sorts of emotions that will arise. But after things are fully cooked, everything will settle.

You should go on stirring the pot of your emotions. You have to go through your emotions; you have to evaporate them. You can never escape them. If you try to escape, they will still be within you, but hidden. Then, thev can come up at any time.

Only when you overcome these emotions, there will be an ease within you.

The so-called ease which you feel occasionally is just a false idea. All these emotions were inside you then also; if they were not there, where do you think they are coming from now? You are on a volcano that is just waiting to explode.

First, become aware of this volcano. Then, you know what you are sitting on, so you begin to feel uncomfortable. At least now you are aware of it.

- BREAK THE WALLS -

Otherwise, you would happily be sitting on top of it without knowing it would erupt at any moment. So at least now you know what is under you.

And now, you know it is under you; why do you continue to sit? Just get up! You must move away from it so that it can erupt, evaporate and settle down. You have to find another center, your center. You simply have to change your style of living. This is why there is so much confusion. One side of you will say you cannot continue to live in the same way. And another side will tell you that it is perfectly alright. No!

Initially, it is okay to give the responsibility to me. It is okay for you to come to me in your confusion. But by and by, you must become more responsible. If you go on looking for someone to give the responsibility to, you will never turn inwards. You will only look for someone from outside; you will never look within.

The time has come for you to look within.

A newcomer says he is finding difficulty in accepting swamigi's power and authority.

I am not telling you to accept my authority. All I want you to do is listen and try to understand what I am saying.

You can take my words in two different ways: you can see me with authority or have a deep understanding about who I am and what I am here for. It is your choice.

If I say something and you accept it with a clear understanding, then it is alright. But if you simply do something because I have said so and there is no understanding, then you have missed. If you simply do what I tell you just because of my authority, then you have missed the thread.

Try to understand what I am telling you. If you do what I say after it has become an understanding in you, you are on the right way. Then it has become a truth within you, not just an imposed ideology.

And let you be clear: I am not here to give you ideologies because you have more than enough of those! I am here to take all your ideas away and give you truths. Truths are much deeper than ideologies. They are simply an expression of one's own experience. Ideas come straight from logic, from the mind; they are not authentic. All ideas are simply an expression of what you have picked up from society.

I am here to take you beyond ideologies and bring you straight to the truth. I am here to give you my understanding, not my authority. So remember, do not just do because I have said so. Let my words penetrate you and give you a deep insight.

- BREAK THE WALLS -

One more thing, I am not going to go on giving you guided instructions. I am not here to give you guidance every step of the way. I will give you a few guidelines; just a few hints here and there. It is like I am giving you all the ingredients but you only have to cook. I will not do the cooking for you.

You will have to taste and check whether everything is alright. In the same way, I will give you the method but you will have to do the work. I will help you along the way, but that is all. I will give you the torch, but you must open your eyes and find your way.

There is no need to look at me as a big authority figure. Everything I tell you is completely against the attitude of an authoritarian. I never tell you that you have to do something. I only give you guidelines; I never give you rules. I give you options and in the end, the choice is yours.

The very nature of the Master is acceptance. He will accept whatever you are and work on transforming you. The very nature of an authoritarian is resistance to your nature. He will just impose, that's all. He doesn't care what your nature is. So when I tell you something, I am not telling you out of authority; I am telling you out of compassion so that you too can catch the experience. And if you do not accept what I am trying to tell you, it is perfectly alright. I cannot force you to have such understanding. All I will do is wait until you are ready, for the clarity I am willing to give. It is like I am holding some candy in my hands. Whether you want to take it or not, is up to you. But I will go on holding it, and go on offering it to you. I don't offer brain candy, I offer candy for your being!

Actually with an authoritarian, you feel more comfortable because you hold him responsible for everything. If you have any problem, you throw it on him; all responsibility goes to him. But here you will surely feel insecure because you are responsible. With me, I will make you feel responsible. Here, you have to keep your own problems and overcome them. You cannot pass them on to someone else. But I will give you everything you need to overcome it.

Whether you believe it or not, accept it or not, you do want to be under someone. You may go on saying that you want freedom and this and that. Subtly, you enjoy giving all your responsibility to someone else because then, you will never be questioned. You will only be given orders and you will faithfully carry them out like a servant.

Here, I will throw the responsibility onto you and see that you become a leader. All that I am continuously trying to do is make you as independent as possible. I do not want you to become dependent on me. Initially, there will be some dependency on me, because you are used to this attitude. Your whole life you have depended on someone, so when you come to me, there will naturally be some dependency.

And this is the reason I go on speaking. I want your mind to become clear with understanding. When understanding comes, you will become independent. You will stand up!

- BREAK THE WALLS -

'I feel like I let other people take me over too easily, says a newcomer, and then when they take control of me, I tend to break away from them. After some time I lose direction and I feel like there is nothing left to do except to go back to them."

At least now, you have understood this much! This is the way in which not only you but everyone is living. Someone becomes your authority and you follow them for sometime and everything goes well. And then the problem starts when you begin to want your independence.

Then you try to get your independence and free yourself from their authority. After some time, you will feel at a loss and then you will search for someone with authority again! Just see the play in the whole thing! You are moving around in a circle. Now all you have to do is take a small diversion and leave this circle.

This dependency is not needed now. When you were a child, you needed to be dependent on your parents because the basic maturity was not there. At that age, you would not have been able to analyze and reason and follow arguments. So you had to be told to do everything. But now this is not needed. Now if someone goes on telling you exactly what to do, you will just look foolish!

Take a conscious decision to take up full responsibility for yourself and whatever is going on around you. This is the only way to stop playing this game. Until you are willing to take up full responsibility, this game will continue. It is a very cunning game. I am not saying that you are the sole responsible person, no! Every person has to wear the same sense of responsibility towards the circumstances. That is the way. Then, no one can blame the other and there will be no dependency.

There is a small story

A mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning.

'Nobody likes me,' he would complain. 'The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers don't like me, the school board wants me to drop out and the custodians also don't like me. I don't want to go to school.'

'But you have to go to school,' insisted his mother. 'You are healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others and you are a leader. And besides, you are forty-five years old and you are the principal.'

- BREAK THE WALLS -

In psychology, they have proven that women have become authoritative only because they are at home with the children all the time. Mothers have to tell them exactly what to do and go on nagging them to do it. They see no other way.

Now the woman has learnt the art of authoritativeness and she has forgotten that there is no need to do it with the husband. This is where the conflict starts. Both of them want to be authoritative. Both of them think they are being intelligent in their authority. If both of them are really intelligent, they will straightaway see how simple the situation is. They will then drop their past baggage and enter into the moment with no complications.

I am reminded of another small story:

A married couple trying to live up to a sophisticated lifestyle went to a party. The conversation was about Mozart.

'Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!' everyone said.

The wife, wanting to join in the conversation casually said, 'Oh, Mozart you are right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island.'

There was a sudden hush and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, 'We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get out of here."

As they drove home, he kept muttering something to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. 'You're angry about something.' 'Oh really? You noticed?' he asked. 'I have never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? You fool! Don't you know the No. 5 bus doesn't go to Coney Island?'

You go on thinking that you are very intelligent. You don't even understand that you are making a fool of yourself!

- BREAK THE WALLS -

Actually it is better not to be an authoritarian to anyone. You just bother about yourself - that is more than enough. Depend only on yourself. Try and find the dependency within. Let you be clear: the person who follows others has no trust in himself. Otherwise, what is the need to follow others? A person who has trust in himself will follow himself. He will learn what has to be learnt from others but he will never follow others. He will follow himself out of his own clarity and understanding. In order to do this you need courage and trust in yourself and you should know you are doing the right thing.

When I initiate you, I am not initiating you into my following; I am initiating you into your following. I am telling you to simply use me as a means to reach yourself. You should imbibe the Master's spirit, the Master's body language, but never follow, never imitate. The moment you imitate, you have brought your mind in again. You should imbibe Him; you should simply become the Master, without any effort at all. Imbibing is a natural process which does not require any effort. Imitating is an artificial thing that requires effort. How long can you go on imitating? It will again become a fight, a struggle.

I am not trying to make you trust me; I am trying to make you trust yourself. I am trying to throw you towards your inner depths. I am trying to make you realize how deep you can really go. And I will not allow you to cling to me. The disciple would love to cling; the disciple would love to be dependent, but the Master is not there for all this. He is there to destroy the clinging nature in you and make you move inwards freely and joyfully.

This process might be frustrating because the Master will never fulfill your expectations as you want them to be fulfilled. He will disappoint you many times. But through this frustration and disappointment, the transformation, the understanding happens and finally you reach the top. Then you have become independent. Then you will understand what it was all about; how compassionate the Master is.

One more thing: I cannot open you. If you remain closed, I can only inspire you to open; it is you that has to open. There are a few guys here who think that I am responsible to make them open and get enlightened. And if they haven't become enlightened, I am the culprit!

Understand, unless you are completely open without any desire, enlightenment will never happen. How can I make you open? How can I take away your desires? All I can do is tell you to become aware of it so that the desires will leave you.

You want guidance, you want help every step of the way. This is where the problem starts. You are expecting a map from me. You want me to instruct you and tell what has to be done at every step. If I give you a map, it will only be a distraction to you. Instead of looking inwards, you will go on looking outwards at the map. So I will only give you a few hints. You have to understand these hints and create your journey.

There are two ways you can live your life - either completely closed as if you are surrounded by walls -

- Break the walls -

this is the way of the ego; or making all these walls into bridges so that you can connect to the Whole - the way a meditator lives! This is the way to move out of the ego.

I am here to make you free; I am here to create bridges, never walls. This is why I do not let you become dependent on me. Walls make you dependent, bridges make you independent. So, to be open, to be free, is to have no walls around you.

You simply have to become yourself. As of now you are not yourself; you are just what society has made you to be. What you really are is hidden deep within you. Now uncover yourself. Then you will know yourself.

I am not trying to make you into something. I am just trying to make you what you already are! Understand? I want you to become what you already are, nothing more. What you are thinking yourself to be is not you. I am again and again telling you this. I am here to make you what you originally are.

I am like a gardener. The gardener just helps the rose to become a rose. He helps it bloom by pouring water, putting manure, spraying disinfectants etc. He does not actually make it grow. The rose grows by itself.

I will give you understanding and I will give you the space to grow. But you are growing by yourself. I am not doing anything. So continue to grow. Continue to understand what you already are.