A small story:🔗

An old man used to go to the beach everyday. He would sit there the whole evening. He never got into the water, he never took a walk. He just used to sit and look at all the passersby.

Then one day another person who used to come there asked him,

Why do you come here everyday and sit for hours? Are you waiting for someone?

Yes, the old man replied. I'm waiting for my perfect woman. Oh, where is she?

I don't know, I haven't met her yet. I'm still searching for her! The other man was shocked.

How old are you, sir?, he asked politely.

I'm 75 years old.

Imagine! At 75, his life is practically over – and he's still searching for the perfect woman!

When did you start your search?, asked the other man. At 25!, replied the old man unhappily. What! In 50 years, didn't you find a single woman who was perfect? Yes, I found one woman… Then what happened? Why didn't you marry her? Well… she was waiting for her perfect man..! This is what happens when our expectations are so high!

Sometimes, after a long search, we find a person who seems to match our mental image – from a distance.

The picture in our mind is green – and the person, the image that we see also seems to be green – and then, all is greenery! A match seems to be found!

What happens at this point is what is called falling in love. This is the science behind falling in love. It is always a falling, not a raising. It is nothing more than the mischief of the hormones, masquerading as love.

Because what actually happens is, because of our own strong needs and expectations, we see things as we want to see them. We project our mental image upon the other. So anyway, the world becomes filled with greenery and music. Life becomes poetry. At last, our search is over! This is the stage at which we begin to write poetry, make paintings of each other and what not.

As long as this distance is maintained, things are fine. We can continue to project our imagination upon each other. But the person comes closer – and the colours slowly start changing. Green fades to pale green, and then to yellow. We don't want to accept that our imagination has turned out to be a lie, so we start making excuses for the situation – This is life! Everything can't be perfect! – and so on. It requires tremendous courage, tremendous intelligence to live with reality. So we use these excuses instead, as a buffer system, to shield ourselves from reality.

Finally, when we get close enough, we find that the yellow has faded to white! Where is the comparison between green and white? The fantasy and the reality are totally different. From close, we realize that no living person can live up to the image we carry in our minds, no image can be translated into reality - because it is an image, a fantasy! Is it possible?

That is why, ALL love, without exception, ends in pain.We end up feeling cheated, exploited by the other. Our basic instinct is to blame the other for what has happened.

But is it the other's fault?

Never. The blame always rests with you – because you expected something, and you tried to force your imagination upon the other! Who is responsible for the failure? Do you understand that what I say is the basic reality, what is actually happening in our everyday lives? But we never try to look into it. We never like to deal with truth!

A small story: A man gave his friend a puppy as a wedding gift. Three months later, the two met on the street. How is married life? asked the first man.

Oh, just like it was during the honeymoon – only a few small changes!, said the other.

Changes like - ?, asked the friend.

In the beginning, your puppy used to bark at me, and my wife used to bring me the newspaper. Now, my wife barks at me, and your puppy brings me the newspaper!

This is the state of most marriages, once the honeymoon is over! No wonder it is called the honey*moon* – the happiness takes only a fortnight to wane!

At least at this point if we accept the reality, there is no problem. But do we keep quiet? No! We take out our brush and paints, and try to paint the white back into green! We try to change the other person to suit our mental image. This is the most damaging thing in any relationship. We try to sculpt each other in the way we have imagined. We try to possess the other, convert them into matter. You degrade energy into matter – how then can the other trust or respect you? Here starts the problem – the unending war of our lives! All day, in every home, just listen carefully to husband and wife talking to each other, and you can hear the chiseling going on: Keep quiet! Why are you so late from work?

Why isn't dinner ready?

All these are nothing but chiseling sounds! The chisel and hammer have become the emblem of married life!

Ultimately, the sheer load of expectation leads to disturbances in the Muladhara chakra. This is the way this chakra is locked.

When you try to fulfil your fantasy through another, try to impose (project) your expectation upon another, this chakra is locked.

It has nothing to do with sex as you imagined. It has nothing to do with the outer conditions of life. Nothing to do with so-called celibacy. Who can be called a true celibate? The man who has dropped his inner image, his inner woman. If you drop the image, you can be a celibate even in grihasta (married) life.

Yes?

Swamiji, we don't even realise that we are carrying an image inside…

Yes. Because we have never looked in… we go everywhere but in.

Do you know, upto 80% of our energy is locked in this chakra! What a waste! This chakra doesn't even need to be energized. It simply needs to be opened, to be activated, and the flood of energy flowing from it can transform your life!

How do we open this chakra?

Just drop the expectation, and the chakra will open automatically.

A small story:

Once a man came to me and said, Swamiji, we are just two people in our house, my wife and I. Still there is no peace! I told him, Who says only two people stay in your house? Aren't you four people? – you, your inner woman, your wife, and her inner man? No wonder there is no peace! Just learn to drop your inner man, your inner woman – and see what a change will happen in your house!

Swamiji, we experience disturbances in other relationships also, like between parents and children.

Yes, in any relationship where there are expectations – I don't think we have any relationships without expectations? – this problem is sure to be there. Parents try to chisel children, and children try the same with parents. We carry this chisel around and try to chisel our relatives, friends – even strangers, according to our own imagination. And they in turn are carrying their own chisels, which they are going to try and use on you! What violence!

For homework today, I want you all to note down your ideas on how a perfect husband (or perfect wife), perfect father, perfect mother, perfect child and perfect friend should be. Choose any five relationships relevant to yourself, and note this down. Do it honestly. I'm sure you'll find, deep down in your unconscious, all your ideas are drawn from popular media! Do you know, people even carry the image of the 'ideal guru' in their minds. Usually it's the image of an old man, with grey hair and a flowing beard – what you see in books and TV serials! And when they come and see me, they are unable to accept that such a young person can be a real Master! So I too face the same trouble, I too have to free people of their expectations about the guru and get them to accept reality.

Swamiji, sometimes we need to chisel, like when we are handling our employees at work. Is it wrong?

Do your chiseling consciously. Be aware of what you do – then you will not do more than necessary. See if your expectations of your employees is realistic. Check if there is any alternate solution. Only when it is absolutely necessary, should you try to mould the other person.

Whatever power has been given to you, learn to use it with awareness! Even anger and lust are great energies given to you by God. When you have respect for that energy, you will not waste it, misuse it.

Kama (lust) is a great energy! It is Shakti, capable of producing another life! But we misuse it, dissipate it – because we have no respect for that energy.

You never misuse money, because you respect it. If a person does a job worth ten rupees, you never pay extra. But with anger, you always 'overpay'. If a person makes a mistake worth 'ten rupees' anger', you always pay him with fifty rupees' worth anger! Don't you? Why?

If you use your anger consciously, you will have no need to feel guilty about it, I assure you!

But Swamiji, suppose I never get angry, people won't listen to me!

If the situation demands that you show anger, demonstrate it. But do it consciously. Don't waste your own resources. You shouldn't get disturbed by your own anger.

Be very clear how much energy you need to handle that particular situation, and expend your anger accordingly. You stay in control, don't allow the anger to control you.

Once a sadhu (wandering mendicant) was passing through a village, when he received a complaint from the villagers about a cobra that was playing havoc with their lives. The sadhu was known to have the power to communicate with animals, so they begged him to convince the cobra to spare the villagers.

So the sadhu spoke to the cobra, and the cobra promised not to bite any of the villagers anymore.

A few months later, the sadhu was passing through the same village when he came upon the cobra, badly bruised and almost dead.

What happened to you? Why are you hurt?, asked the sadhu. O sadhu! It is you who made me promise never to bite the villagers! I have kept my promise to this day. But the villagers, who were earlier in fear of me, took my mildness to be my weakness. Seeing that I don't bite, they started torturing me everyday. See what a state I have been reduced to!, cried the cobra.

My poor foolish friend!, said the sadhu. I only asked you not to bite the people! Did I ask you not to hiss at them?

Anger is a tremendous energy, if we know how to use it rightly.

Knowledge about anger reduces anger.

In the same way, knowledge about lust reduces lust. Because both are the same energy! When your lust is not accepted by the other, it turns into anger against that person. That's why you read newspaper reports of teenage boys throwing acid on the faces of girls who have rejected them.

Many people come to me and tell me,

Swamiji, I love my wife so much, that's why I want her to change for the better!

I tell them*, You don't love your wife, you love the image that you carry in your mind. That's why you love her only when she acts as you expect.*

Your real love is not for your wife, it's for your mental image. That is the truth.

The way to unlock the Muladhara chakra is this: drop the image!

Drop your expectations completely.

Accept reality as it is.

This chakra will open on its own.

(from audience) Swamiji, what you are saying is that we should accept the other person completely, with all his faults. No!

Even the word accept carries some undertone of condemnation. Even the words with all his faults is like a silent complaint.

I say, welcome the other person into your life, just as he or she is. Hmmm? Can you understand the difference between the two attitudes?

Remember, the whole of creation is a gift to you from Existence.

Receive it with grace and humility.

When you do this, the tremendous energies of the Muladhara chakra are opened to you.

To awaken this chakra is to touch a perennial source of energy.

The tremendous energy that is now locked in imagination and expectation can then be made available for creativity, for business, for life, for reality!

Not only that, you will find your house becoming a kshetra, a shrine of peace.

Our houses were meant to be dharmakshetras (abodes of righteousness), but they have become kurukshetras (battlefields)! Am I right?

Any questions?

Swamiji, how can we protect our children from developing these kinds of problems?

To be frank, you cannot fully control it. You cannot control all the child's interactions with society! But there are some