Understand from where the problem is coming
Please understand, people don't always mean what they say or say what they mean. If you are expecting that, you have not learnt the art of listening.
Usually when two minds talk, neither listens and neither understands. The ordinary meeting of two minds is just double confusion! So at least from your side, let the confusion disappear. Then you will see, from your side there will be only solution.
Understand, communication can happen only if at least one side is ready to listen. If both sides are just preparing arguments and answers, how will each one understand where the other is coming from?
If your wife is talking to you about some problem, don't jump to the conclusion that she needs an intellectual solution! If you listen, you may discover that she just wants a little attention from you. She is coming from the heart center (anahata chakra). If you start giving a logical solution, she will make the problem much bigger. Just give her some attention and support; the problem will disappear on its own.
As you learn to listen to others, you will see that you start to listen not only to the words that they say, but also to the words that are left unsaid.
Don't jump to any conclusions when someone is talking to you.
Just be still, and you will hear the unsaid or unspoken words as well.
Listening and practicing
Usually many teachers say again and again - however much you listen, only if you practice you will achieve it. I want to reverse it. However much you try to practice, you can achieve only if you listen!
I am not saying – 'however much you practice'. I am saying – 'however much you TRY TO practice'!
Because, without listening, however much you practice, it will only be TRYING TO practice! Only when you start listening, the possibility for practicing happens.
Listening gives life and authenticity to your practice.
Listen & face your incompletions
When you start practicing integrity, all your inauthenticities are going to start boiling!
Your inauthenticities are nothing but your incomplete understanding of you and life. All your low-energy emotions are inauthenticity. Your anger, your guilt, your suffering, your low confidence, your memory of past failures - anything which drops you down from expressing your peak capacity is inauthenticity.
When you sit to listen to you, when you are constantly integrated with you, all your inauthenticities will be exposed to you. You will start seeing the dimensions of yourself which you never wanted to see. Be prepared! At those moments, never move back or move out! When the churning is happening, stand up and face it.
It is not as if only the problems will come before you. If you are listening with integrity, you will find the solutions also. Because the solutions are already there; it is just that you didn't want to see them earlier. Not wanting to see the solution is also lack of integrity.
If you have a certain incompletion, and you decide that you will complete it tomorrow, because you are too busy with some other work today - that is lack of integrity. Whatever other work you are busy with, because it is done from a space of incompletion, will only result in incompletion.
Lack of integrity is nothing but putting all your problems under the carpet and postponing the solutions! Integrity means getting ready to face your lack of integrity and transform it.
Listening opens up your incompletions to you.
Face it; it is a cleansing process, it is happening to make you stronger.