Preface:
The mind is the biggest mystery on planet Earth. It exists through our unconscious and thrives on our emotions. Understanding the mind is the first step to transcending it. And once you transcend it you will realize the non-existence of it in the first place. There was never a mind. The mind is only an idea. It is a conditioning which we have been taught to believe. Here you will understand this conditioning. You will understand the game which you have been conditioned to play - the mind game.
Beloved Master,
Chapter One:
I have heard 'white clouds' being referred to in spirituality. Could You please pass Your comments on this?
Enlightened Masters are often asked where they go when they leave their bodies. It is just like white clouds in the sky. In the morning, the sky will be full of white clouds and by late afternoon the clouds slowly begin to disappear. Nobody knows where they go or where they came from. A white cloud is a mystery. It is simply a mystery.
A white cloud just is. It has no roots. It is rooted in emptiness because it is empty. When you look up at the sky and see a cloud, you feel that it is a solid mass. Only when you go up to the sky and put your hand into the cloud you will realize that the cloud is just emptiness. It is existent but at the same time nonexistent. And when you realize this phenomenon, you have understood the emptiness of yourself. The whole of Existence is like a white cloud. It has no roots and no solid entity but still it exists. It exists as a mystery that is not meant to be solved but to be enjoyed.
If you really see, a cloud doesn't have any solid destination. It has no starting point and no place to reach also. It simply goes wherever the wind pulls it. It has no goal. Wherever it reaches lays its goal.
To tell you honestly, as long as there is a goal, there will be mental suffering. There will be anxiety and frustration because as long as there is a goal, you are forced to move in a fixed direction. But the whole of Existence exists based on the pulling of the wind. The whole of Existence is a big white cloud with no real direction. Existence does not move to any fixed place. It has no purpose. It simply is.
Be very clear: the moment you create a purpose or a goal, there is bound to be frustration. Existence is trying to pull you along with its currents but you are continuously fighting it. You are like a single wave trying to take on the entire ocean. And this is where the frustration starts because it is never possible. For your entire life you run behind goals the rat race. The greatest thing about the rat race is, even if you win you are a rat!
A white cloud does not resist. It does not fight. It simply moves wherever the wind leads it. If you live life in the same way how a cloud operates, just imagine how light you will feel, how light you will become! A white cloud does not seek anything. It simply stands in the sky undisturbed, yet completely aware of all that happens around it.
It is only when you become fixed to a goal; it is only when you try to put meaning to everything that you have missed what life actually is. All problems start when this madness for gaining all that you want enters you. And when this happens, your neighbor's belongings will always seem more interesting than your own belongings.
A small story: There was once a Priest and a Rabbi. They were both next door neighbors.
These two guys would always be competing with each other.
When the Priest got an ice box, the Rabbi had to get a new refrigerator. When the Rabbi got a new fan, the Priest had to get a new air conditioner.
One day, the Priest drove in with a new BMW. On seeing this, what did the Rabbi do? He went and bought a new Rolls Royce!
The next day, the Rabbi walked out of his house and found the Priest baptizing his new BMW.
The Rabbi just didn't know what to do.
That evening the Rabbi was seen cutting the exhaust pipe of his new Rolls Royce!
If you understood the joke, that's good.
If you don't understand, at least don't miss the laughter! Simply laugh! What else can be done?
This is the way in which we are living. We feel we will be happy only with what we don't have and when we obtain it, we want something more, something else. This is the very nature of the mind: to make goals that remain unfulfilled. You will strive for happiness, but somehow, even when you think you are happy, the feeling of emptiness starts to take over you. This is because fulfilled happiness is possible only when the mind is devoid of goals. When there is no effort put into running after goals, when the mind is completely clear, real happiness will automatically happen. Then you will automatically begin to live like a cloud. You will become light without the weight of your thoughts.
Just visualize a cloud. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize a cloud. It simply drifts. There is no direction, no movement of its own. Actually, to watch a cloud being carried away by wind is a beautiful experience. There is no resistance; just a simple grace. And this is what spirituality is all about. It tries to show us our flowing and purposeless nature.
People often ask me, 'What is the purpose of meditation?'
Meditation is purposelessness; that is its beauty. It is the state of just being without any goal. If you can sit silently without bothering about where it is going to lead you, then you are already in meditation. Understand: meditation does not mean sitting in one corner for half an hour watching your breath before you leave for your office. No! It means to live without bothering about tomorrow; simply living with the moment that you presently have.
To tell you honestly: the goal which you have been looking for has always been within you. The moment you take this goal and put it elsewhere, the mind starts its so-called journey of seeking. The mind starts to think and analyze. It starts working towards reaching this goal. As long as you project a goal onto the future, the mind has the space to roam. It has the space to move because you have placed the goal at a distance from it into the future. There starts the problem.
A white cloud hovers in the sky with no future and no past. It exists with the beauty of purposelessness. Each moment holds eternity in itself.
If you really see, even when you have achieved everything which you have wanted to achieve in the outer world, it still feels as if something is missing. Even when you have achieved the perfect house, perfect wife and perfect job and have more than enough money to see you through without working for it, there will still be a lingering emptiness. And you will mistake this emptiness as a lack of something external again and you will start seeking some other thing in the outer world! It is only when you have practically everything which you could imagine from the outer world and this emptiness still persists, will you turn inwards. It is only when the depression of success hits you hard that you realize fulfillment can never happen through external means. The ultimate fulfillment only comes when a turning happens within you; a turning from the outside to the inside – within you.
So when you can drop the atachment to all the purposes in life and live in purposelessness, the ultimate fulfillment will arise in you.
Actually, this white cloud concept has been associated with spirituality, not only in understanding but with a technique as well. In Tibet, the monks will simply sit on hill tops and look at white clouds. They will go on meditating, contemplating, just being with the white clouds. They will sit without bringing in their minds, without any resistance at all; simply sitting without a goal or purpose, just enjoying and celebrating the very existence of the white clouds above them. By and by, through this celebration and just by being, a deep merging will happen. Then there is no difference between the white cloud and themselves. They also become silent and unmoving just like the white cloud.
And this is what meditation is all about. Simply becoming free of the world and seeing it from a new plane; just watching it but not becoming a part of it. Understand: you don't have to give up anything! Enjoy the world but with a centeredness in you, with an awareness in you. Simply watch as if you are a witness, untouched by anything. Just be centered within yourself without moving to the past or future. Your goal is wherever you happen to be at that moment. To uncover it, you must stay and enjoy the moment which you presently have without trying to hold on to the moment which just passed or which is yet to come.
You see, as long as you linger behind outer world achievements, there will be no end. There will always be something else to achieve. But if you can be fully in the moment which you presently have, then you have achieved all that can be achieved. In this very moment, everything is there. But you go on missing because you are not aware of what is happening within you this present moment. You are divine every moment.
But you are unaware of your own divinity. This unawareness only comes because you see the divine as a goal to be reached outside of you. And the minute you make something a goal, understand that you have created a barrier between yourself and the goal. This wall needs to be broken through awareness. The moment you become aware, this wall will simply disappear. Then you will understand that there is no barrier at all because you are That. This is the meaning of tat tvamasi – That art thou.
Understand: you have not become anything. It is not that you have become That because then we cannot say that you are That. If you are already That, then how can you become that? You see: an egg hatches and becomes a chick because it is already that. Its inherent nature is a chick. It is not taught to hatch and grow. It happens because it is that!
A small story:
A student was practicing meditation. His Master asked him, 'What are you doing? What is the point of sitting in meditation?'
'The objective is to become a Buddha,' the student replied.
The teacher picked up a stone and started polishing it. The student asked what he was doing.
The Master said, 'I am polishing it to make a mirror.'
The student did not understand. 'How can polishing a stone make a mirror?' he asked. 'How can sitting in meditation make a Buddha?' the Master asked back.
So there is no question of becoming at all. It is only a kind of remembering, a revelation. So if you can penetrate deeply and look within yourself then you will understand what you are - this very moment.
If you can look at a white cloud, you will understand the mystery of the whole thing. It has no name and no form. Not even for a split second is its form the same. It is continuously changing and always in movement. Your mind can give a form to the cloud, but in actuality it is continuously being formed, hence there is no solid form at all. And this is what you are. You are by nature a formless entity continuously being formed. You are not static and unmoving. You are continuously changing. If you can understand this one thing then you have understood what you are.
Is there a relationship between You and this 'white cloud' concept?
There cannot be a relationship because relationships only exist when there are two; they exist with divisions. A relationship cannot exist when there are two. The very fact that there is still two means there is still a mismatch, a conflict somewhere. Conflict only exists when there are two minds. But in a relationship, there can never be two; there is only one - a deep merging.
The so-called relationships which we are experiencing now cannot be called relationships at all because the idea of division still exists. Because of these divisions, none of our relationships are deep. Not only relationships but the very quality of life itself is only on a superficial level. Just observe the way in which we live our lives. We change our house, car and spouse every few years!
And even in love we create divisions. The moment there are two in love, there is no real love. There can never be two in love because love itself is a merging. You simply become the love; you become the very emotion. If this merging does not happen, then love remains a conflict, a struggle. As long as you are present as a separate entity in love, you will try to possess the other.
This is why I tell you to become like a cloud; simply watch everything without being touched by anything. See, I am not saying not to enjoy relationships. You should enjoy! I am only saying not to only enjoy on the superficial level. You should not simply wear a smile on your face and feel disconnected inside. Your enjoyment should be total. And the moment you become total in your emotions, witnessing happens automatically.
So take this with you; take this totality with you and live it. If you can live totally, you will see that witnessing happens in you.
Beloved Master,
I sometimes feel awkward when I ask You questions. I feel as if You may not appreciate me asking any personal questions, but when I think about it, I feel as if all of my questions are personal because they are coming from within me. Could You please pass Your comments on this?
Actually, it makes no difference whether the questions are personal or not because in reality what you are thinking to be yourself is not what you are. 'You' do not even exist. So there is no way of asking a personal question because there is no person from where the question comes!
You see, the person is non- existent; there is no actual entity. So there is no person. There is only one entity – that is the Whole. Only the Whole can be considered to have a personality because it is only the Whole that has a center. In reality, we have no center at all.
This so-called center which we assume ourselves to have is simply illusory. It has been created by the mind. We feel that without a center, life itself would not be possible. This created center is the ego. But the mind itself is a myth. The mind is non-existent. So now, the non-existent has created something. It is the illusory creating an illusion! Just see what is happening! Just see the game in which you are living! The illusory itself is creating an illusion!
And this is the drama in which we are all living. Our mind has created a separate world for each one of us. The mind acts as a projector and the same mind is influenced by our own emotions. For example: when we are feeling low, everything around us appears dull. When we are in a high and blissful mood, everything and everyone appears alive and exciting. Understand: we are not seeing what is; we are only seeing what the mind wishes to see depending on its mood at the moment. And the mind itself is an illusion. So we are living in an illusion.
The purpose of meditation is to show you that you are not a separate entity. The deeper you go, the lesser you are. The deeper you move, the more you will cease to be. And the moment you understand that there is no one inside, the outside also disappears. The moment you are not inwardly, there is no one outwardly. And when this happens, everything becomes part of the Whole. There will be no divisions.
Now, you have asked me about your questions. To tell you honestly, I have people ask me questions because only when a person questions, it becomes clear to him and to the others. Only when it is put into words, only when the understanding is verbalised, your doubts will become known to you. People often ask me, 'Why should we put our questions into words if you already know what we are feeling?' I always tell them: you are not asking or telling me anything for me to know; you are only saying it aloud for you to know and get more clarity. And when I answer these questions, be very clear: I am not answering about me, I am answering about you. The answer will vary for each person. Two people may ask me the same thing, but I will give completely different answers. This is because each person is in their own world. Each person has created their own illusion.
Every person has created his own illusions. Everyone is seeing his own thing; his own world. So when I answer questions, I am answering to the particular individual and that individual alone. I am answering to that person's illusions alone.
Let you all understand that there are no divisions, no boundaries. There is only energy. It is like this: all of us are like drops of water for as long as the divisions are there; for as long as the ego is there. Once the ego or ignorance is lost, once it is disppears, the drops of water cease to be. There will only remain an ocean.
So you have asked me a question from the drop, but I will answer you from the ocean. Actually, there is no difference at all. The drop is the ocean. The only thing is that the drop is yet to realize this. It is all water only. In the same way there are no divisions, only energy. Only energy exists and only energy will remain.
There is only consciousness. Whether you believe it or not, whether you accept it or not, you are consciousness. Actually, there is no need for me to say this. Only thing is that when I say it aloud, whenever something is said aloud, it creates a definite meaning within you. Now I have said that something exists, so within you, there will always be a feeling that it exists. And in the same way, if something understood by you goes into nonexistence, then it never really existed. So everything is dependent on you. What the world appears to be, your relationships with others, everything is dependent on you. Everyone sees; everyone is in their own world which they themselves have created.
In life, whatever you see is simply a reflection of yourself. Just look into your lives: a sunset may look beautiful to one person; it may look depressing to another. And another person may remain indifferent to it. It is the same sunset but there are so many reactions to it. It is not the sunset that is beautiful or depressing or difficult to notice. The sunset is always beautiful. Everything is always beautiful. How each one sees it is different, that's all. So if you can remain blissful, everything around you will be blissful. The very quality of your life will change; it will also be blissful.
In order to overcome fantasies and desires, must we live through them fully?
Be very clear: you are already living in your dreams and fantasies. You are already in them. And it is not by choice. Do you have a choice? Do you think that if you wanted to, you could simply drop it? No! If dropped, they would only be replaced by some other dreams, by some other desires. Just the object of your desires will change.
Now you will be wondering what is to be done. I tell you now: why should you be against them? What is the need? Simply accept what is. Why should you fight with what is already there; why to change them? The moment you try to change your desires and dreams, you begin to believe them too much. And when you believe them too much, then they become more than dreams; they become real. Then you feel that changing these dreams is a big task and that if at all you manage to change them, you will be doing something great. Nonsense!
According to me there is no such thing as a good dream or a bad dream. Dreams are dreams. They are expressions of the unconscious level. So how can there be a good dream or bad dream?
The moment you can accept your dreams, your desires, your fantasies, they disappear. This is because the dreaming mind, the fantasizing mind survives only through rejection, only through thinking that what it is doing is something unreal. When you accept it, it disappears.
We have been taught to reject many things and it is these suppressed things that come in your dreams and fantasies. Violence, lust – all these we have been taught to suppress. These emotions will clearly surface in our dreams.
For example: you are having a conflict with someone and great anger arises in you. But you have been told that it is not good to show your anger, that you must not show your violence; morality does not permit. So you suppress it.
Or let us say, you are seeing a beautiful woman. You want to talk to her, to be with her, but society does not allow it.
Now what will appear in your dreams? This same violence, this anger or the face of the woman will appear. All that has been suppressed by you in your day will definitely come to you in the night. Desires which you have repressed will become dreams and fantasies.
So how do we stop these dreams from arising? Do not suppress your desires. Accept whatever happens to you; accept it as a part of your being. Just be passive to them and accept them as you. The moment you become accepting of what is happening within you, that moment such dreams will dissolve. There will be no condemnation or repression in your being.
Understand one thing clearly: I am not saying to proceed in your violence or proceed in your lust. No! When you feel an emotion rising that you know will cause disturbance within you, simply become aware, that's all. Become aware of what is happening inside you. Become aware of your violence and lustful feeling. If you can become aware, your violence will disappear; your lust will disappear. Let it be whatever emotion, the moment you become aware, the emotion will simply disappear.
So these two things are the keys to breaking through your fantasies and being with your self. A man who becomes dreamless is completely centered within himself.
Once you have discovered the secret of accepting, everything will appear beautiful, everything will feel blissful to you. The madness of a market and the silence of the hills will hold the same peace for you because the peace tht you hold is within you, not outside of you. There will be no division between silence and noise because you yourself will be in silence. Everything will be one great expanse.
Alright...we will meet for the next session.
***********************************************************************