Q: Swamiji, we experience disturbances in other relationships also, like between parents and children…
Yes, in any relationship there are expectations. I don't think we have any relationship without expectations.
Parents try to chisel children, and children try the same with parents.
Parents try to live out their unfulfilled desires through their children. Parents dream for their children to become a doctor or an engineer. Why not find out from the child what he wants to become and then dream to fulfill that? That would help your child immensely.
The day your child starts back-answering you, that day he has become a man. You have to deal very carefully with him. Spend time with him, talk to him, be a good friend and find out what he really wants to do in life. Guide him with deep love and trust. Then, make his ambition your reality and help him in achieving it.
So many children tell me, 'My father wants me to become a doctor,' or 'My father wants me to become a lawyer.' Of course, if the child is unable to decide for himself, and he asks you what he should do, you can tell him what he could do based on your observation of his talents and capacity.
You can always suggest, but don't stuff anything down his throat. Also, make the child understand that you are giving him freedom and maturity in doing things and make it clear to him that there can be no blaming at the end of it. He needs to understand that clearly.
For homework today, I want you all to write down your ideas on how a perfect husband, a perfect wife, a perfect father, a perfect mother, a perfect child and a perfect friend should be. Choose any five relationships relevant to yourself, and note this. Do it honestly. When you read your paper, I am sure you will find, deep down in your unconscious, all your ideas are drawn from popular media.
You watch a television serial and start liking a particular character. The character becomes a solid reality for you. You unconsciously start expecting to see that kind of behaviour in certain people associated with you in real life.
People even carry the image of the 'ideal guru' in their minds. Usually it is the image of an old man, with grey hair and a flowing beard – what you see in books and television serials! And when they come and see THE SUPREME PONTIFF OF HINDUISM BHAGAWAN SRI NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM, they are unable to accept that such a young person can be a real master. So I too face the same trouble! I too have to free people of their expectations about the Guru, before they accept me!