Q. Is enlightenment the only way out of this world of pain and misery?
A. There is one thing you need to understand first: enlightenment is NOT an escape from pain! On the contrary, it is born of a deep insight into the nature of pain, a profound and total understanding of 'Why am I unhappy? What is it in me that is causing this pain?'
Just observing the nature and cause of pain with intense inner clarity, will cause pain to evaporate of its own accord - because it no longer has a reason to exist in you. And this realization brings with it, a state of absolute bliss, which is the state of enlightenment.
Enlightenment allows you to see, for the first time, that what you called happiness and contentment earlier were not true happiness and true contentment. Enlightenment showers upon you real bliss, real ecstasy. It gives you a taste of the real. But remember, none of this can happen till you have crossed the 'pain barrier' - a total understanding of the whole spectrum of pain. Enlightenment is certainly not an 'easy way out' of pain! Understand that.
Follow Me IN!
And in a way, you need to be thankful for the pain and suffering you experience, because they are the catalysts that set you on your quest for truth and transcendence.
Q: I get easily angry and hurt when someone insults me. How can I avoid this?
A: Why do you try to avoid it? To suppress pain, anger and humiliation will only cause it to stay in your system in a repressed form. Suppressed emotions can be dangerous - a little anger or hurt can fester over time into a deep and lasting hatred.
Try accepting your emotions without judging yourself. Are you feeling hurt? Right. Now enter completely into the feeling of hurt. Don't avoid it, don't reject it. Don't sympathize with yourself either, and don't direct it against the person who hurt you - simply watch the emotion as it plays in your system. This may take a while - maybe a few hours, even a few days. And then you will see a transformation you never imagined. After all, emotion is energy, tremendous energy. Just how long can so much raw energy circulate in your system?
The moment you accept your pain with no rejection, welcoming its role in your life, the whole quality of pain changes. The same energy that was pain, anger or suffering, is transformed into the blessed emotions of love and bliss. This is compassion, the silent force that moves in each of us, the force that transforms the ugly into the beautiful. And compassion brings its own reward. Just give yourself a chance and you can experience what I am saying! I don't speak philosophy; I speak out of experience.
Pain is simply the response you have chosen to a particular situation.
Q. Why do love and pain always go hand in hand? I try to give a lot of freedom to my partner in my relationships, but just end up getting used.
Follow Me IN!
In the first place, isn't your idea of 'giving freedom' to your beloved a very wrong one? Love itself implies giving the other total freedom, unconditional freedom. To say that you are giving a certain amount of freedom to the other (whatever you consider necessary!) itself shows that you are holding back something in your giving.
It is natural to want to possess your beloved - that is the play of ego. It is difficult to imagine that your beloved may need space and time away from you, isn't it? You try to do the right thing - by 'giving freedom' to your lover. But when she actually uses that freedom, you end up feeling exploited. Honestly, you never expected that she would ever use that freedom to do what she wanted or to be with someone else, did you?
So understand what I am saying and don't make the mistake of generalizing that 'every time I give freedom in my relationships, I get used'. Are you sure the fault is not yours as well? The reason that love usually brings with it so much pain is that lovers unknowingly force each other into the golden cage of their own expectations. But true love can never blossom in captivity. You try and imprison your lover, and she does the same, time after time, until you end up feeling that love is so much misery that perhaps it is better not to love at all. But once you close yourself to love, what is left? Nothing!
Love can be a door to joy and freedom, or it can become a living hell. To experience love as pain is to miss the whole point of love. There is a saying, 'If you love someone, set her free. If she is yours, she will come back to you; if she doesn't come back, it means she never was yours anyway.' Try following this, not just in your romantic attachments, but in all your relationships.
Q: We in Bharat have been brought up on the concept of karma - necessary suffering. Is suffering really essential in our lives?
To start with, it will help to realize that suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind. It is not an event in your life - it is your response to some event. Whether you suffer or not in a particular situation, depends entirely on your reaction to that situation.
Follow Me IN!
When do you undergo suffering? When you fall ill? When your neighbour gets a new car? When your boyfriend/girlfriend leaves you for someone else?
Well, suppose you decided to just accept these situations without anger or resentment; just as they are, would you still suffer as much? After all, there is nothing inherently painful about your neighbour getting a new car. Even if there is pain when a loved one leaves, you cannot wish it away. Try to accept - to welcome - the inevitability of the moment, without reaction. It is ONLY your negative response to an experience that allows it to hurt you. Don't you see? No one or nothing can make you suffer without your silent permission!
Make a habit of witnessing experiences, minus your personal judgment. Learn to recognise with clarity the causes of your suffering - the obvious and the subtle. The ability to do this will come - not in a day, but certainly with practice.
One of the most deeply hidden reasons for suffering is that you could be enjoying it! For example, falling ill can become a source of pleasure if it fetches you the attention and care you have been craving for. Examine why it sometimes gives you pleasure to inflict pain on yourself, or on others. Is there a better channel through which you can receive the same pleasure - without the suffering? Become aware - this is the first step.
The second is to accept totally the here and now - without question and without reaction. Awareness with acceptance - this is the only way out of suffering.
The second part of the question - is suffering essential?
Yes, in a way it is, because suffering can be a powerful catalyst to growth. Just like a seed has to rupture for the plant to grow and blossom, intense suffering can break down the defenses of your ego, leaving you open and vulnerable to Existence. With your usual thought patterns shattered, you begin to see things as they actually are. You begin to recognize a subtle distance between you and the pain - that it is not 'your' pain, something intrinsic in you.
Follow Me IN!
In fact, pain is simply the response you've chosen to that particular situation. And once you see that, how can you suffer anymore? In consciously accepting your pain, you truly let go of it.
Suffering is not necessarily the key to bliss. But if you learn your lesson well, suffering can certainly open your eyes to the unreality of suffering. It can teach you how unnecessary it is to suffer at all.
Q: You say that the dropping of pain can bring bliss - but bliss too leads to pain when it ceases. How do I make the move from pain to bliss?
What you first need to understand is that pain and bliss are not opposites. Bliss has nothing to do with pain. Pleasure is the opposite of pain - and like all opposites, they have no existence without each other. You are right: you cannot enjoy pleasure without suffering, without pain. It is significant that ancient Hindu scriptures used the same word, pain, to imply both pleasure and pain - because pain is the ultimate result of both.
Bliss is that which arises when you drop the ideas of both pleasure and pain. And you have to drop them both together; there is no other way. Bliss is what floods you when both pain and pleasure have ceased to disturb you. Bliss is beyond pain and pleasure. It is perfect harmony, complete inner silence, total peace.
Are you able to understand?
Recently, an extensive survey was conducted worldwide to determine the deadliest disease afflicting humanity in our time. Many believed it would be AIDS, others suspected it would be cancer, still others assumed that it would be tubercolosis.
UNCOMMON ANSWERS TO COMMON QUESTIONS
Follow Me IN!
When the results were announced, it amazed the world: the killer disease of our century is none of these.
It is depression.