Awakening
I awake with bird song Ghosts of night still dancing You explode like the rising Sun
There is no order; nor chaos. There is no respect; nor insolence. Men do not sit on one side; or women on the other. There is no chatter; but no silence either. There are no questions; mere doubts. There is no desperation; just acceptance. There are electronic gadgets on one side; Sri Chakra and Meru on the other. No greed is evident; nor guilt. No anger visible; nor helplessness. The assembly is a motley mix of genders, ages, professions and interests; all with one purpose. They have to come to hear the Master.
The Master sits with a smile, trying to be inscrutable as the Sphinx; we know it's a mask.
Who is he? Is he the Father, Mother, Son, Brother, Friend, Lover or a Fake? We know he would love to be called a Fake; that would make the confusion more complete. Is he all forms in one? He can be the terror of Shiva; he can also be the nectar of Krishna. Is he better as a bitter night mare or a sweet fantasy?
There are times when he chides, eyes aglow with anger. One learns to stay quiet. The grimace morphs into a grin; Shiva morphs into Krishna. Tears come to my eyes even as I write; and as I read what I wrote; what to speak of being in his presence.
He is all forms; and no form. He refuses to be captured in a frame, turned into a stone, worshipped as an image- a master dying at the hands of the fantasies of his devotees. He would rather be the 'simha swapna', the nightmare, awakening us into wisdom; a Zen stick that prods us into wakefulness, than be the crutch that we are comfortable with. He relates to us on multiple frames and planes, just to keep us off balance and in confusion, than allow to be frozen into one frame that kills the master and ourselves.
The Master is beyond forms; beyond dimensions. He is not uni, bi, tri or multi dimensioned. His dimensions and forms are infinity; infinite dimensional; infiniD.
Swami says:
"Frozen into one frame, Mother or Lover, I am easy for you to capture and retain. I am then easier to market. It's good business for me, not good business for you. I want you to be confused so that you become enlightened. I want you to die so that you are awake. Come to me with your ignorance; it's my duty to show you the path. Don't hesitate to fall into my arms with love; you will soar with me into bliss."
We are so used to falling into mud that we hesitate. Soaring into is not our nature as we understand it. Our anxieties and fears work upon us creating nightmares and fantasies.
We are watching a movie all the time. It's only when the movie stops that we see the screen beyond without which the movie can't be projected. We know not it's a dream till we are awakened. Unless we experience the 'no mind', we have no idea that we have been fantasizing. A child when she plays still knows that she is playing. An adult keeps playing not knowing that all he plays with is unreal. It's the Master's job to rudely awaken us to show us a glimpse of the reality. He enhances our problems so that our small worries are drowned in much bigger ones; with his grace the troubles fade and the Sun shines into reality.
When we dream, when we fantasize, it is about us and others; the first person attaches the second and the third; I includes you and they as well. When the dream breaks, the movie stops, the circus gets over, you and they merge with the I; then the I disappears, only the Consciousness remains.
Form and forms disappear once we realize we are watching the movie; even the screen collapses. Nightmares and fantasies cease. We awake.
This is the point of Ananda Gandha, where the form merges with the formless, and Devi's doubt answers itself: What is life, beyond form pervading forms?
The master's message to us is Anandam-Dhyanam-Nityam; the goal- the path- the process; Bliss- Meditation- Cognitive shift. Swami Vivekananda said: Awake, Arise and stop not till the goal is reached.
Swami Says:
Arise, Awake, STOP, the goal is reached.
The class breaks. The Master has finished expounding on Devi's fifth doubt. Shiva is yet to answer. Master explains to us the koan of Meru and effortlessly draws the complex Sri Chakra freehand. He simplifies the complexity and creates more confusion; smiles and says go freshen up; it's my job to enlighten you.
We break for tea, move out, stand chatting as we wait for the cuppa, about the Master and the discourse. It's so much easier to talk about the Master as it is so much more enjoyable. The discourse can wait.
A fire has broken out near the Ashram fence. We watch not really believing that the Ashram can be touched. Swami explodes on the scene shouting out a steam of instructions: wet the thatch roofs! Disconnect the power! Store the computers! ….
We galvanize into action. Some form a chain to move water; others rush to the office to disconnect computers; some throw water on the thatch. What were we doing till he instructed us, at least a dozen of us senior professionals, used to taking decisions and giving orders? What were we doing waiting for a twenty seven old to tell us what to do? There is no ego, no irritation, just acceptance and then satisfaction is doing what one did. Will some one tell me what is at work here?
At another level it matters little whether I understand or I don't. The experience is enough. The presence is overwhelming. I am just grateful that I am; that I'm here.