chapter 2🔗

As of now, your candle is unlit: your flame is unlit. Coming close to the Master, becoming the disciple, lights vour inner flame. Coming close is enough. It spurs you to become alive. Once the flame happens. vou have become a disciple. Then, the flame starts burning and spreads until it merges with the flame that surrounds it; then there are no longer two entities. There is only oneness.

n love, in deep love, there is a deep connection between two people. The two of them do not have to be lovers; they could be a mother and child, a brother and sister, friends, anything. Love knows no form; it just is.

Just see the way a husband and a wife live. After they have been with each other for some time, they begin to fall in tune with each other. Then, whatever the wife is thinking, the husband will know; whatever the husband feels, the wife will understand. This is the way love works. There is a deep communion that is developed, and boundaries are lost in it. Of course, there are small hiccups and misunderstandings, but there is a bottom line to it and that is what is love.

But between the Master and disciple, the connection is even stronger. It is much deeper than the relationship between a husband and wife or a mother and child.

When a disciple sits at the feet of the Master, there is a whole new dimension revealed; there is a different mood altogether. The Master's words become the disciple's heartbeat. The Master's voice becomes the disciple's inner chatter. This is why I say that this relationship is the deepest of all relationships. It is from a different realm altogether.

The setting of Lord Shiva and His consort Devi in Tantra, portrays this ultimate communion we are talking about. Tantra is delivered by Shiva to Devi amidst divine intimacy. Devi is filled with love for Her Master, Shiva. She thinks of nothing but Him. She feels nothing but Him. Literally speaking, She radiates nothing but His grace. This is what happens when the disciple's love reaches its peak. And then what happens? Devi realizes Shiva's reality. She realizes their oneness, their wholeness. Tantrais a wonderful example of why the attitude of the disciple should be feminine. Devi does not ask 'why'. She is so passive to His energy that She simply allows Him to fill Her.

The Master-disciple relationship is the most mysterious relationship of Existence. I say this because logic cannot prove it; it cannot be understood on an intellectual plane; you cannot prove it through any experiment; you cannot understand it by going through any book. No! It can only be experienced. It is clearly beyond the intellect.

I tell you honestly: the people who sit before me listening to me and looking to become more and more convinced, are devoted only at the periphery. The true disciple is so deep that he doesn't bother about what I say; he only bothers about what I am. A true disciple falls in love by just being in the presence of the Master's energy, not by the Master's words. It is alright to love my words also. That is perfectly alright, but do not become stuck there. You should also begin to feel the warmth of being in my energy; the loving energy that simply embraces you.

There are a few things that are truly unexplainable, that simply cannot be understood through words, and the presence of the Master is one of them. It simply cannot be comprehended why the Master makes your heart pour at the mere sight of him. It cannot be understood why you envy the ground beneath his two feet!

So all that you need to do is stop analyzing! Simply put the mind to rest and allow what has to happen to happen. This is exactly what being a disciple means. It means being open to the Master and allowing his energy to fill every cell of your body.

I am reminded of a beautiful Zen story:

There was once an old Zen Master whose health was failing. Everyday, he became weaker and weaker. It came to the point where he was unable to come out of his room. The day came when he told his very close disciple that his time was coming to an end. The disciple, not able to handle the news, fell to the floor and started weeping.

Two days passed and arrangements were made for the Master's death ceremony. During the Master's last few minutes, all the monks of the monastery were informed of the news and summoned to the Master's cottage. All of them, despite being with the Master for long years, wept profusely; all except one who was sitting in the very back with his eyes closed in silence.

This monk who was sitting silently, had hardly felt the need to be near the Master all those years; now too, he simply enjoyed the Master through closed eyes.

Finally, the Master heaved his last breath. The whole monastery was devastated except for that one monk. All the senior monks felt this to be strange and assumed that he did not have any love for the Master. Word soon spread around and people began to notice the monk's strange behavior.

One day, the monk was sitting in meditation with an extraordinary smile on his face when one of the senior monks approached him. "Why are you not showing any grief about our Master's passing away? Do you understand that Master has gone and will never come back?"

The monk simply opened his eyes and said, 'What are you talking about? Where did he go? I just saw him!'

So understand: only by imbibing the Master's energy, will he really be with you. When you drop the form and turn inwards, the Master is sure to be there.

A brahmacharini (an unmarried young spiritual aspirant who undertakes certain austerities) expresses that she feels not worthy enough to be in the ashram because she is not doing any solid work.

There is no such thing as not being worthy enough to be with the Master, to live in his energy field. He is for everyone, whether they work or not. But understand: I am not telling you not to work. In fact, you should begin to feel the Master's presence in the work and continue to work with great enthusiasm. You should begin to feel me in your work. This should be a feeling that comes to you regardless of what work you are doing; whether you are cleaning the bathrooms or writing books.

I always tell people: when you are around me, serving me, you will be with me. But when you are sitting in some corner of the ashram doing some work, not bothered about being around me or about receiving attention from me, I will be with you.

Understand? When you are around me, you will be with me. But the moment vou feel me in your work, I will be with you.

This is what I mean when I say, 'Feel my absence in my presence and my presence in my absence."

Understand very clearly: whether you deserve to be here or not is not the point. Simply drop that dilemma. Actually, this idea of not being worthy enough comes straight from the root of the ego. When you think that you are not worthy enough, it is because you are feeling insecure. It means that you do not trust the fact that the Master loves you. Otherwise, why would you feel like this? If you were sure, if you were clear that your connection with me was deep, then you would not even doubt for a second, and that too based on these nonsensical ideas. You would understand that you are here to be with the Master. And you would simply lose yourself in work. Then, even the simplest task like sweeping the kitchen floor would make you feel my presence.

And it is okay if you do not feel this way yet. First, you have come to me just now, and second, it is natural to doubt. But one thing: do not get stuck up in this doubting attitude and miss the main thread. The thread is right before you; just catch it!

You should not think in terms of deserving. You are alive and sitting before me; that is more than enough.

Ramana Maharishi was once asked by a disciple, 'What do I need to become enlightened?'

Ramana Maharishi replied, 'You are alive, aren't you? That is more than enough.'

It has been taught to us from our childhood that we will be loved only if we deserve it; only if we perform; only if we work enough; only if we are of use to people. This is true with other relationships like a boss-employee, teacherstudent etc. But in the Master-disciple relationship, this is not the case. You do not need to do anything for the Master to love you. His love is unconditional. If you simply sit in silence, in a receptive mood, that is more than enough. So to receive my love, you don't need to become worthy of it. You don't need to do something extraordinary. These are all nonsensical ideas.

All that needs to be done to receive this love is to simply relax into a receptive mood. I am not telling you not to work. You should still work intensely. It is okay if you have not yet started; at least start now. Lose yourself in work. Work so intensely that you simply forget yourself, because when you do this, your inner space is available for me to enter!

You see, there is one thing that you must understand: the Master will love you regardless of what you do. Whether you trust him or not, whether you believe him or not, he loves you. This is because the Master is nothing but love; he is the embodiment of compassion. Love simply pours from the Master's being. Whether there is someone with the Master or not, it will flow like a river. Like a river flows and touches the pebbles in its way, the Master's love flows and touches all those around him. Whether the pebbles are there or not, the river flows along. Whether you are there or not, my love will flow. So don't bother about being worthy.

A devotee says that he is full of hatred and aggression. He feels that he cannot love anymore.

You see, you cannot force love onto yourself. Love is like snow. It comes when it has to come, but everyone wants it. So, if it has not come, there is nothing that you or anyone can do. You must simply accept that you cannot love, that's all. You must accept whatever you are and whatever is. Actually, only when you accept that you don't love, love will happen - not seasonally like snow but all the time like the sun!

How can I just accept something like this? I thought that love was something that just must be there. As of now, I feel like there is something wrong with me. There are times when I feel like I don't even love you.

There is no need to love me; I am not asking you to. There is no problem if you don't love me. Whether you love me or not, things will not change; they will remain as they are! And there is no need to feel that there is something wrong with you. It is the way you are. You must simply accept it.

And you have brought this issue to me thinking that I will give you some solution with which you can fight yourself. No! There is no need for all of this. You want me to put pressure on you for something that does not exist, so that you can go on blaming yourself for it not existing.

Be clear: I will only tell you to enjoy what is already there and move on. If I were to tell you to simply drop this aggression, then what would you do? You would start to fight with yourself and doing this would only cause more aggression within you. This is the nature of the mind. It just cannot live in peace; it must always find some conflict. It simply cannot remain without conflict!

So basically, you brought this to me only to create more misery in yourself. I will not make it happen this way. I will only tell you to accept what you are and only then you will overcome it. So, if you don't love, accept it. Nothing more can be done. Slowly, you will see that you start loving naturally!

Understand: you are what you are. No one can change it. And love is such a powerful emotion - you cannot simply force it onto yourself. It should just happen. And the only way that it can happen is by becoming aware that you don't have it. When you become aware that you don't have it, you have already taken the first step towards having it!

Now you will be thinking, 'What is he saying?'

It is like this: when you are angry, but you are not fully aware of your anger, you remain angry. The moment you realize you are angry, the anger starts disappearing! When awareness happens, the solution also starts happening.

It is the same way with love and hate. Only when you become aware of your hate does the reason reveal itself to you; then comes the solution. And the solution is love!

One more thing: it will not be possible for you to remain open and receptive all the time. Sometimes, you will be closed to everything that I tell you, and other times you will be open and vulnerable.

Sometimes you will feel very close to me. You will feel as if you can open everything to me. And then the very next day you will have no trust and you will try to move far away from me. And this will confuse you. You will not understand what you are feeling. It is only when you understand that all this is simply the nonsense of the mind, will you be able to play along with your mind and finally go beyond it.

- Rising in Love With The Master -

A disciple approaches the Swamiji and says that he feels unloved. 'Sometimes You speak to me, and other times You don't, he says. 'I don't understand what You are trying to do; are You working on me ?'

As of now, you may love me, but your love is clouded by attention-need from me and jealousy towards others who are around me. All sorts of emotions come with love; especially this kind of love. The love that the disciple harbors for the Master is the deepest. Because of this, many emotions come and go. When you become a disciple, you have taken a step towards a rollercoaster of emotions! Many emotions; many possibilities. During this time, you sometimes trust the Master and sometimes not.

When you first come to me, it is like a honeymoon. You will continuously have me in your mind, to an extent, you even forget your own personality. And then the moment the Master speaks to someone else, you will think, 'He doesn't love me 'or 'He loves him more than he loves me.' Then, you start feeling depressed. With this depression happens thoughts that prompt you to move away from me. At the same time, you also experience moments of deep understanding that create intense love for me. You travel from peaks to valleys and back to peaks!

Understand: if your love is deep, then the Master talking to someone else won't matter to you at all. You will simply love the Master for merely having allowed you to live in his presence, for giving you the opportunity to be his disciple, that's all. This is when the real Master-disciple relationship starts.

Only when your anger and your possessiveness disappear, real love will start to happen. Actually, this is the case in any relationship, not just in the Masterdisciple one. If the husband is possessive of his wife, can their relationship ever be based on trust? If the wife becomes jealous, what will the relationship be like? It will be traumatic and also just superficial, not deep. It will be based only on the head, not on the heart or the being.

So be clear: these moods will continue to happen. It is only when all these moods drop that you begin to see what lies beyond them and you will be able to be with me without any moods between you and me. Then the relationship will become beautiful. When there are no moods, the real communion begins.

Simply surrender all your moods to the Master himself. I do not mean only the bad moods; good moods also have to be surrendered. Actually, there is no such thing as a good mood. Moods are simply projections of the mind. The moment you have given in to any mood, you have given in to your mind. Only when you drop your moods, when you have dropped your mind you will really be able to be with me. Until then, you might be with me but not really with me.

Anyhow, about your feeling that I don't love you: slowly, very slowly, you will begin to catch the point, now that I have told you this. You have come through love, and then slowly, your emotion changes, and you begin to hate. And when finally the awareness starts happening, you will drop both love and hate. Then there will be nothing between you and me. There will only be silence; a deep and vibrant silence.

Yes.

A newcomer approaches Swamiji She says that shedoesn't know if He is the right Master for her, yet shewants Him to be her Master.

You must understand one thing ma. I cannot force myself upon you. I cannot force you to think of me as your Master. It must simply happen. You see: the Master is like a river. He is continuously flowing in ecstasy. Whoever has the courage to just jump in, will experience. The river cannot jump on you. You must jump into the river. Be clear on that.

I am continuously flowing. What might happen when you jump in, even I don't know! Decide whether you want to take the risk or not. Don't bother about whether I am your Master and such things. Nobody can make you feel it. You have to be able to feel the current of the river. You have to be able to feel the pull of the Master.

The decision is yours. Whether you want to jump in, or stand by the shore and watch, is up to you. All I can do is invite you to jump in and allow the current to carry you with it.

There have been many arguments put forth about the existence of the Divine. And many of them have been considered. Man has simply found every possible argument to create doubt, especially on this subject. But there are a few people who are different. Even if you try to throw some argument at them on this subject, you simply cannot. They will not be taken for a ride. It is these people who leave such a strong impact of bliss on you, that even if you want to ignore it, you simply can't! Whether you believe it or not, accept it or not, you will detect something different in them that is simply beyond your intellect. These are the intelligent ones.

Only those who trust Existence can develop a deep trust in the Master. And this is the reason why the very emotion between the Master and the disciple is different. It is such a deep communion; there is such deep trust, that when the disciple is ready, the Master's flame simply enters the disciple without any effort.

You must understand one thing: pleasure needs two people one to give and one to take. Even happiness needs two. But bliss does not have anything to do with the other person. It happens only in aloneness, when one is completely centered in one's Self.

You see: to enjoy food, you need food. To enjoy a movie, the movie must be there. To simply enjoy yourself, you have to depend on someone or something. In general, to enjoy, you need to become attached to some object. Your enjoyment is sourced from some object outside of you.

So now, you may be wondering how to attain bliss without depending on any external object. First thing: understand clearly that you alone are enough to experience bliss. Second thing: spend time with yourself and look in. There is a space within you that is the real 'you'. It is your innermost space. Once you have discovered this space, you will realize how powerful and solid it is. It is powerful because it doesn't need any support from outside. It is solid because it is the most powerful space ever! And once you have discovered this space, you will start experiencing causeless happiness which you call bliss. Bliss brings so much freedom with it because it is your very nature that you are expressing! Because it is produced from the core of your being - the pure space within you.

One more thing: it is not the disciple who finds the Master; it is the Master who finds the disciple. When the disciple's yearning becomes intense, the Master will appear. When you have found your Master, you might experience mood swings and other things. You might even be driven to the point of leaving him. But there is always a deep pull which pulls you back to him. Whether you want him or not, whether you accept him or not, you feel the pull. Be very clear: He does not do anything. It is you! It is your longing that pulls you back. There is an attraction to some unknown energy; an attraction which is beyond your logic.

The Master will never reject; he will only accept everyone. He doesn't know any differentiation of any sort. He knows only one thing: compassion. And compassion knows only one thing: love. During the public darshan at the ashram on Sundays, thousands of people stand in a queue. There will be no differentiation between workers from the villages or CEOs from the city. All of them wait in the same line and touch the same two feet. I am telling you this to make you understand the reality around a Master; to make you understand that there is no need for all these doubts.

One thing: when you are around me, you never know what to expect next. This uncertainty makes you feel insecure and uneasy. And this is my work on you! Every second is fluid and evolving when you are around me; every second brings new life when you are around me. When this happens, you choicelessly start living in the moment instead of living with your mental patterns. There will not be any time to bring in your mental patterns because I will make it so hectic for you! You simply have to live in the moment, that's all!

The problem is that the ego in you thrives on mental patterns. It survives because it continuously refers to the old mental patterns and references. So, when you are forced to live in the moment, it starts feeling powerless. There starts the problem! But that is my work on you! My work is to make you lose your solid identity with your mental patterns and therefore your identity of your very built-up personality.

I always insist that people visit and stay in our ashrams for at least a few weeks. Our ashrams are like spiritual laboratories. So much of chaos is created - chaos that is energy; chaos that forces you to be in the moment; chaos that breaks all your social conditioning! In this chaos, you are made to work. In the beginning, the chaos will disturb you; you will feel that you can't proceed with your work at all. Slowly, you will find the thread, the order in the chaos and you will start doing work! Then, you will enjoy the chaos and the work! You will be in every moment intensely and you will begin to forget yourself, your ego.

Ask some of our ashramites about life in the ashram. You will be shocked! They sleep for hardly two hours and they feel so energetic to do work! This is because they are so much in the moment. Fatigue happens only when the mind moves away from the moment into the past and future. Energy is sapped when this happens. When you are in the moment, the very moment becomes energizing for you. When this happens, it is the work that rejuvenates you, not the sleep!

If you ask our ashramites, they will tell you how beautifully it works for them. At first, each one of them resisted this concept. They would fight helplessly with themselves. But once they caught the thread of what was happening, they simply fell into the space which I have created for them!

So don't close yourself to these ideas. Open up and be receptive. That is the whole beauty of the Master-disciple relationship. You may feel vulnerable, but at the same time, when you move with trust, you will see miracles happening in your life.

Many times, the disciple is represented as a lotus. When you start opening up to the Master, you start blooming.

So, this fear that you may have is natural. But because of this fear, be sure that you do not close yourself. You should open up. And I am not telling you to force yourself to open either. I am saying, don't resist the deep understanding that is trying to happen in you, that's all. The receptivity will happen on its own. Once it happens, do not close yourself again. If you can understand this one thing, the rest will simply start happening.

Just become a flower. Make your heart and your being available to the Master. Nothing more is needed.

Actually if you see, from the very beginning, we are taught to close ourselves up. Have you seen the way small kids whirl? They whirl for no reason. And when you see this, what do you say? 'Keep quiet! Sit down! You will hurt yourself!' What nonsense! In that joy, in that innocence, the child whirls. And just because you are dull and unable to handle it, you scold him. Actually, in a subtle way you become insecure when you see someone else enjoying. Just because you are dull and bored, you cannot bear to see someone else expressing their joy. From the beginning, we are taught not to express ourselves.

From the beginning, we are taught to operate from the head instead of the heart. Children operate from the heart; this is the reason why they are so joyful. But we teach them to use their heads; to operate through logic. And let you be very clear: you simply cannot reach the Divine through logic because the very nature of logic is cunning.

For example: when you see the sunset, only for a split second you feel its beauty. Almost immediately, your logic comes in. You begin to think of all the other sunsets which you have seen and then you hope that all the other sunsets that come will be as beautiful, and what not. The sunset is right in front of you and you fools will be thinking of all the sunsets which are yet to come!

This is what logic does to you. It simply robs your capacity to enjoy the beauty of life. It is impossible to live in the present with your logic, with your mind. That is why when people ask me how to live in the present, I simply laugh. The very question shows that you are thinking about the future, about the result!

So, be clear, as long as you operate from your head, you will simply miss the Divine; you will simply miss me! The Divine is like a gentle flowing stream. Only if you let go will its gentle currents pull you along. These currents are gentle as well as rapid but they are there to carry you with the river. The moment you let go, you will simply be swept away!

Understand: you must let go; only then will I be able to do my work. All your effort should only be to let go.

I am trying to take you beyond logic and beyond words. My words are not what I am trying to show you. They are not going to liberate you in any way. They are just there for you to hang on, because if I call you fellows and simply sit in silence, nobody will be here! Only this mike will be here! And I am sure that after sometime, the mike will also run away!

So try to understand the silence behind the words.

Part 2: Rising in love with the Master