Chapter Five: Right here, right now🔗

Beloved Master,

I have heard You say that the ego can be dropped 'this very minute'. Can the ego also be dropped gradually, bit by bit?

The dropping of your ego always happens in this moment. It will always happen in this moment. There can be no gradual dropping of it. It is an instantaneous happening. It is not something for which you can get ready. There is no way to get ready to drop the ego. Be very clear: whatsoever your efforts may be to drop the ego will only strengthen it. Any gradual process will strengthen the ego because it is done by the ego. In the same way: whatever happens instantaneously would have been done by you, not the ego.

For example: you may be walking through a grassy path when you come across a snake. You suddenly jump to the side. It is not a gradual process for which you can get ready for. It simply happens automatically. It is not connected to the past, nor is it connected to the future. It is part of the now. If you can continuously be in the spontaneity of now, the ego will drop.

The problem is that you are not able to understand about the ego. The ego is your conditionings, your mental setup, all that you have accumulated from society. The ego exists in the past and future. And then you are bothering about gradually dropping the ego- you again bring the past and future. The dropping of the ego is a sudden affair. It happens just this moment. But the moment you bring in the past and the future, you have missed.

The ego exists through memory: who you are, your race, gender, from where you come from, your religion, tradition- all of that has happened in the past. All of this has happened to the ego. And you are the person to which all of this has happened. So understand: the ego is that which is around you. It consists of all that you conceive yourself to be. However, you are in the center; completely untouched; egoless.

A child is born absolutely fresh. That is why they are so beautiful. There is no past, no ego at all. They cannot say 'I' because no 'I' exists. Their I has to develop gradually. They will have to be educated; society must first tell them what is right and what is wrong. They will have to be both appreciated as well as condemned. And then, only then will the I slowly begin to form.

Children are beautiful for the one reason that they are fresh with no past. Have you seen even a single child who is ugly? But have you seen even a single grown man who is beautiful?!

Understand: an old man is not ugly because of his age. He is ugly because of there being too much past- too much of ego. And this same old man can become beautiful once again; even more beautiful than he was as a child. I am not talking about physical beauty. I am talking about an inner beauty, an inner grace that is radiated from within. And this is only possible when the ego is dropped. When the ego is dropped, it is like a new childhood- he is reborn again. It is this childhood that is eternal. It lasts an eternity because the quality of this rebirth is of a totally new accord. It is not of the body- it is of spirit.

So if the ego can be dropped, you will remain forever fresh; forever innocent. This is because now you are not bothered about the past, nor are you bothered about the future. Now you are totally in the present.

See: the ego functions in time. The more time conscious you become, the stronger the ego becomes. According to me, the concept of time exists only because of the ego. The ego needs time to exist. The ego needs space to grow. Time serves as this space.

Take this as an example: if I were to tell you that you are going to die; if I tell you that you will die the next moment, time will suddenly disappear. You become uneasy and you will not be able to do anything without difficulty. Even thinking becomes difficult. So even for thinking, time is needed. If there is no future for you, thinking becomes difficult. If there is no tomorrow, then what is there to think? There is nothing to worry about, there is nothing to desire. If there is no time, the mind automatically drops. Understand?

The ego, the mind cannot exist without time. Time serves as the breath for the ego. If tomorrow exists, the ego will exist. If there is no tomorrow, there will be no ego. It is like a river and a boat. Only if the river is there, the boat can function. Without the river's water, the boat becomes useless.

Because time is needed for the ego to function, the mind will only think in terms of time. No matter what is put forth, the first thought to enter is that of time. What time to go to wake up in the morning to what time to go to the office to what time to go to bed at night everything revolves around one single thing- time. And even when meditation is put forth, the first thought is, 'there is no time.' What nonsense!

During any meditation program, there will always be someone who will say, 'Swamiji, I enjoy these meditations, but it seems as if there is just no time in my daily routine to practice these things.'

I am just not able to understand these things. I always tell people: God has given you twenty four hours in a day and you cannot even spare Him twenty minutes!

So now, when I talk of enlightenment and all, the first thing that comes into your head will be, 'Yes, enlightenment is possible, I know. I understand it, but time is needed. Maybe I can work up to it gradually.' But such a thing cannot be reached gradually, you see! As I said before, it will simply happen!

The mind would like to take everything in steps. To do something suddenly, to do something spontaneously and in the moment is against the nature of the mind. This is why the mind will come up with excuses for meditation. Be very clear: saying that there is no time and all of these things is simply cunning. Preparing for something, gradually moving up to something is a very logical thing.

So if you can understand that the ego can be dropped this very moment, the question is bound to arise: If there is no gradual growth and the ego can be dropped this moment, then why is it not dropping?

You do not want to drop the ego; this is the reason why it is not dropping. This will be a little difficult to understand- you do not want to drop the ego. Contemplate upon this. You do not want to drop it, this is why it continues. If you sincerely wanted to drop it, you could simply shake out of it.

The mind is a mystery. You think that you want to drop it, and deep within you, if you see, you are only the hindrance for this dropping; you are only clinging to it. If you want to drop it, there is nothing stopping you. There is no barrier. In fact, if you wanted to drop the ego, the ego will by itself drop. If you stop clinging, the ego will loosen its grip on you. But if you continue to cling, nothing can be done.

Have you ever though about it? You wonder about why the ego is not dropping, but have you ever meditated upon this doubt? Look within yourself and you will see, there will be some attachment to the ego, to the mind. We always want to be someone. We want recognition. And this recognition is of the mind; it is of the ego. Once you drop the ego, you will disappear; there will be no one to recognize. This is one of the main reasons why there is so much of resistance when it comes to the dropping of the ego.

In whatever you do, the ego is present. Even in your so- called humbleness is simply a hiding place for the ego. I have seen many so- called humble people. Those fellows will try to prove that they are very humble. This very trying to prove attitude is directly from the ego. And if they see any other person who is more humble than themselves, they will feel hurt. If this is the case, there is no humbleness.

Actually, any emotion cannot be said as ego- less. This is because these emotions have been labeled by the ego only. So to be ego- less cannot fit under a particular emotion at all. In fact, I cannot even say that to be ego- less is blissful. This is because the bliss which I know is completely different from the bliss which you know. However, I label it as bliss because it is the closest thing. To be ego- less is bliss, and something more. It is this 'something more' which has to be revealed to you.

To drop the ego, this clinging nature must first be dropped. The moment that you can understand that you are clinging, it will happen. There is something lurking in you, some factor for which you are still clinging to the ego.

You somehow feel that without you the world may not go on. This is the case with everyone. This is the lurking factor. If the ego disappears, you will disappear along with it. We always feel that without us, the world will simply fall apart. Understand; the world will go on in spite of you.

And this is the reason why the mind is in continuous search for some occupation. It would much rather be busy thinking or doing something than to be unoccupied. When you are unoccupied, you become vulnerable. You start to feel as if you are dissolving. When you are occupied you feel as if the world cannot go on without you.

But then if you are suddenly unoccupied, you receive a sudden blow. You see that without you, the world is still functioning. Nothing is changing. And then you start feeling as if you are not needed. The moment you start feeling that you are not needed, the ego becomes uneasy. The ego exists only when you are needed. The moment you are not needed, the ego loosens its grip on you.

When you are unoccupied, you see that the rat race continues. No body will be bothered about you. They may even feel relieved! This is what shatters the ego. So, for the ego to exist, it must have something to keep busy. It must maintain its illusion upon itself that it is needed.

Meditation is the ultimate unoccupied state of mind. I am not telling you to physically remain unoccupied; no! Whatever you may be doing, your mind should remain unoccupied. So, meditation is the ultimate retirement. And it is not just a superficial retirement that one takes up during their old age. It is a retirement of the mind. It is when the ego is put to rest.

See, in old age retirement, you will go on thinking something. Reading the newspaper some ten times a day, one can create the fantasy that they are still running with the world.

I have seen these old men reading the newspaper. And the fellow will be reading the matrimony column! What will he do by reading the matrimony column? I am simply shocked by seeing these guys! And somehow, by reading these types of things, the illusion that the world is still running because of them still exists.

Meditation is not a superficial retirement. It is a very deep, transcendental retirement. It is a withdrawal; a withdrawal from the mind. It is not that you will be physically unoccupied. You can by all means continue what you are doing. If you can withdraw your investment in this occupation, there will be a different quality of the work all together. You will begin to realize the foolishness of running behind this idea of wanting to be felt as needed. Now you will understand that the world can run without you, but now, there will be no depression when such an understanding comes. And there is such freedom, such lightness if you can understand this. Before, if such an understanding began to arise, you would feel as if you were being shattered.

Unless you are ready to be empty, unless you are ready to be unoccupied, unless you are ready to drop what you feel to be yourself, unless you are ready to enjoy and celebrate even if you are not needed, the ego will remain.

The main problem is that the ego has a need to be needed! If someone needs you, if someone has an urgent need to talk to you, the ego feels very good, very important. The more people need you, the more your ego feels satisfied. This is why there is such a craving for power, for leadership. If you are a leader, people will come to you, there is a need for you. Your ego becomes much fulfilled.

If you can remain unoccupied, if you can remain happy without being needed, the ego can drop this very minute. The ego can be dropped just now. It is just like water being heated. It will go on getting hotter and hotter and at a particular degree, it begins to evaporate. Evaporation happens in a single moment. It is not a gradual affair; it is a sudden happening. Suddenly the water disappears into vapor. Evaporation happens suddenly. It is the heating which takes time.

The dropping of the ego happens in the same way. Understanding takes time; it is like the heating of water. The dropping of the ego is like evaporation; it happens suddenly. For now, do not try to drop the ego. Doing this will only put you into a deeper confusion. Try to deepen your understanding. Do not try to try to turn water into vapor. Heat it first. The final stage will happen by itself. It has to happen.

So bring all of your energy into understanding the phenomenon which is your self; your true self; your being. Try to understand what is happening to you. Understand from where your emotions come. Try to understand the roots from where everything enters into your mind. When you feel a sudden burst of anger, do not give into the anger. Turn your awareness inwards. See from exactly where everything is coming. You are bound to find the roots.

If you can find the roots to all that happens within you, then you will also have the ability to see what is of the ego and what is of reality. You see: if you can go to the roots of something particular that happens to you, two things may happen. One: you will realize the falsity of it and it will slowly begin to disappear. Or two: it will become more rooted in you.

With this understanding, many things will become clear to you. You will understand that if something reveals itself as false, then it was never there to begin with. It was simply a projection of the ego.

In the same way, if you become more rooted in something, it is of reality. As the falsity of the ego slowly begins to reveal itself to you through uncovered understandings, a new understanding will happen within you. It will be understood that the ego was also never there; it was only a projection of the falsity. Understand?