47. Affection.
In Thiruvannamalai, an unexpected accident occurred in a public place. The person, who was involved in the accident, was lying unconscious.
On seeing this, a lady came running towards him and was near him rendering some help. A crowd surrounded that place. Then, a sturdy healthy man entered inside managing to come through the crowd. After gesturing the helping woman to move aside, he said: I have completed a diploma in rendering first aid in accidents. I will take care hereafter.
Suddenly he shouted: Call a doctor immediately! I do not know what to do after this. That lady calmly said: Don't make noise. I am here only. Upon knowing that she was a doctor herself, he lowered his head ashamed.
Persons who act in great haste always get themselves involved in complications. If one behaves like that with the general public, it will stop with just an insult. In case such behaviour is shown towards relationships, then....?
Affection is a riddle. Even after expectations, affection is one such which is not got by many just like that. Even after many people try to give it to others, it is such that it cannot be given. What? Is it rather confusing?
Though many have talked about affection, your confusion will be gone if you know some of them. The Buddha says, 'Show affection towards yourself.' Jesus says, 'Show affection towards others also as you show it to thyself'. Rishi's (A seer) message is, 'You cannot show affection towards others without showing affection towards you.'
After knowing the above three statements, the following truths can be very easily understood:
- You can show affection to yourself to the same extent you show it to others.
- The measure of affection you show towards others will be the same measure as you show towards yourself.
- If your affection is one mixed with pretence or one with hidden inward hatred, then it will seize you only more rather than it seizing others.
We can easily understand about affection through an incident which occurred in the life of Sarva Sakkiya Muni.
One woman devotee came to Sakkiya Muni to obtain a solution for her family problem.
Sarva Sakkiya Muni asked in a voice full of grace: Oh lady! What is the problem? Why are you so sad?
The devotee replied: Master, I show full affection towards my husband. But he does not understand that. How can I make him understand this?
Sarva Sakkiya Muni, who was till then calm, said in an angry voice: You are telling a lie.
The devotee asked with confusion: What lie am I saying?
Sakkiya Muni said: You say that you show affection towards your husband. That is a total lie.
The devotee asked: Master, what are you saying?
Sakkiya Muni said: First of all, you show affection towards yourself. Then you can think of showing affection to your husband. So saying, he turned his head aside.
The devotee said: No Master... What I say is truth. I show my affection to my husband fully.
Sakkiya Muni said: Sheer pretence.
The Devotee asked: If so are you trying to say that my husband is a good man. Is it only I who is acting and creating problems?
Sakkiya Muni simply said: Why? You are also a good lady!
These words of Sakkiya Muni made her think deeply. Though Sakkiya Muni appears to disagree with her it appeared to her that he was trying to get a truth across to him. She realized that without understanding that, she was only wasting time by fighting unnecessarily? The very moment she realized this, she threw away the arguments from her mind itself.
With humility and with a decision to listen fully to what Sakkiya Muni wished to say, she asked: Master, till this day, the affection I showed, the affection showed to me by others, what are all these?
Sakkiya Muni said: It is all a drama of affection.
The devotee asked again: All right, what have we to do to conduct the affection drama properly?
Sakkiya Muni said: Firstly, you show affection to yourself. Without showing affection towards yourself, trying to show affection to others, is like jumping into the river without knowing how to swim, to save a person who is drowning in the river. Without even knowing 'how to show affection towards yourself' what all you do in the name of showing affection towards others, is all sheer pretence only.
It is only a drama of love!
All these days, you have all along been exhibiting 'affection' towards your husband, in order to keep him under your grip and custody and you have been trying so in the name of showing affection.
Nothing happened as you expected. So you have thrown the blame on your husband. Now, are you able to understand as to where the root of the problem is? Put a full stop today itself on destroying yourself as well as others in the name of affection under the guise of attachment. Firstly, begin to show affection towards yourself. All other things will become conspicuous automatically.
On account of the devotion the devotee had on the Master, as she tried to sincerely implement whatever the Master had taught her, she understood affection and won over her life.
First of all we have to learn affection. Then only it will be possible for us to even think of showing affection towards others.
Unless and until the real love of affection blossoms within us we cannot show affection to others.
By means of the net of attachment called 'affection', keeping the other person under our grip by having one another tied up mutually at the mental level, we can utilize 'affection' only as a net of stratagem.
Utilizing the right of affection, have we given independence to our close relationships? Or, have we attempted to keep them under our control? Examine. You will know the truth.
If you have not given total independence to your relationships, know yourself... all these days, in the guise of affection, it is only a drama of attachment that has occurred. True affection has not happened.
Affection is a real flower of love.
If the quality of affection has to increase, the quality of understanding should increase.
A man beginning to show affection towards his own self has key to the mansion of bliss.
This is a great meditation technique. Begin to show affection towards yourself. The flower of love is waiting as a bud within you. For love to blossom – for you to grow – show affection! There is no other go. You only have to help yourself.
------------------------
A meaningful incident.
When Majnu asked Laila: Oh dear, what is the answer for the riddle you asked yesterday – What is that which is known to everybody but not understood by anybody? Laila said with a smile: It is love.
Meditation Chisels. Chisel No. 2.
For affection to become your possession, let the understanding expand!
Just because of having lived together in the same place, can two friends mutually understand each other fully?
When couples who live together for many years are struggling to understand each other, how is it possible for one to understand the other in a few years? After moving with a person for some time, if we like that person, we believe that we have understood him fully only. When such a person behaves in a manner quite opposite to our understandings about him, that relationship appears as a riddle only. Later it bursts into a loud uproar. The result is that our affection gets ruined. The conclusion gets formed that his affection is a 'fraud'.
The reason for all this confusion is it their behaviour or is it our understanding which points out some of their parts as wrong?
This is one to be thought over deeply and a solution has to be found.
To whatever extent you have understood the people, to the same extent only you would have understood yourself. Reason: The extent you show affection to yourself is quite the same as the extent of your affection shown towards others.
The more and more the understanding deepens, the depth of affection will accordingly increase.
A small exercise: Utilize your thinking capacity fully. Bring up to your mind your opinions about your loved ones. Make an attempt to know 'to what extent you have understood yourself and the world at large'. Understand. All will be understood. When every thing becomes known they will reciprocate your affection. There will be spring in your life.
As your understanding expands, you will find the world itself expanding.